say hello blip.

heaps of crazy.

2008-05-15T22:48:00.002+08:00

today i realised that i've finished my 6months of contacts and i needa go buy more so i went over to jurongpoint after a whole day at the shop (i watched 6episodes of jap drama.thats alot of hours.) to get them only to find out that every single optical shop is almost sold out!i've only managed to get one side but not the other..i should start wearing an eyepatch out man haha =P but luckily i've always had an extra on the side thats sold out so i still have both my eyes.do i make sense?

i'm just typing as i'm rambling in my head and the sentences might not make sense but i'm too tired to look back and try to make sense of it and since the thoughts are flowing through my fingers (not my brain) i should just seize the opportunity and type as fast as i can. today i realised that i tend to overimagine things. you know how as kids you always imagine the wonderful things you watch on cartoons? like for guys you'll wanna be transformers or powerrangers in their gay tight suits and for girls we'll wanna have our prince charming and live happily ever after. its always after watching cartoons then i'll imagine some boy (i was young. its boy.not guy.not man.BOY.) will come sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after etc etc. then when i start growing up it became romantic shows and movies where the male and female lead always ends up together (ie sleepless in seattle).

THEN!starts the paranoia when you watch a drama and as drama goes there will be drama and backstabbing and cheating and the guy falling in love with the female lead but then the ex girlfriend comes back and tho he loves the female lead, there will definitely be a scene when the ex girlfriend will be alone with the male lead and something will lead to another and they will kiss and the female lead will suddenly just appear and gasp!she cries, he cries, the ex girlfriend cries (for a whole different reason altogether), and then...suddenly i will imagine it happening to me. and imagination turns into full fledge neurosis and somehow it seemed probable for such things to happen when its actually not happening or even likely to happen.

i know at this point i sound like some crazy lunatic but this whole chain of thought just came to me suddenly in the shop while i was watching the jap drama. the bottomline is..it might not be exactly good to have a wild imagination even as a kid cos it might morph into great heaps of crazy when you grow up.

p/s: just so you know, this was rambled off to tianping so he already knows that his girlfriend is mad. but anyhoo, callo-callay come run away, with cabbages and kings!

pah.

2008-01-31T20:25:00.000+08:00

i was using the ladies in lido today when i saw this notice stuck on the door regarding toilet cleanliness (just giving you a gist of the msg):

Please help us keep our toilets clean by:

Throwing all used paper towels into the bins provided (aka do not litter)
please do not smoke, please use the sanitary bins provided. (this is accurate)

so what do they expect smokers to do, inhale from the sanitary bins?? wassup with the comma in the sentence?! UNBELIEVABLE.

yahoonews.

2008-01-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

while the world focuses on news issues such as bird flu outbreak (again.), US elections, clinton and obama clashes and kenyan political unrest, i'm sitting here reading about the britneyspears saga. it might seemed unimportant or extremely tabloid but its just sad to see her life spiraling down to nothing. she started off well with a nice clean image and best selling albums and to think about it, it wasnt that long ago. so to see her going through breakups after breakups, 2 kids, shaving her head, creating a scene and to act like a manic, it is just scary how one person can peak and hit rock bottom in such a short period of time. no child visitation rights, people think she's mentally unsound (thanks to dr phil and his 'great insight'), and she's most prolly not gonna have a private life for a very long time, i wonder how long she's gonna last till she caves. cannot imagine living her life right now..it feels like a nightmare already =/

you fill up my senses.

2008-01-14T20:22:00.000+08:00

happy 14th =)

5th week blue.

2007-11-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

school's into its 5th week (as you can deduced from the title. duhh.) and i'm seeing stars already! feel like i have tons of things to do, stacks of papers to read yet i'm sitting here blogging. you can see how screwed and stoned i am muahahaha!

as usual things are getting busier in church with programmes lined up and practices to attend to. took part in songen's prodigal son play for the kids in malaysia and the rehearsals are MAD. the good part of it is that i'm no longer the useless friend kissing yiheng's ass anymore and this time i get to scold him and throw things at him. shiokkks. and yes he's still the squandering son even after 7 years -guffaws- but i'm still looking forward to christmas tho it means tianping's enlistment is nearing. blah what a bummer. ohwell, guess i'll have to start prepping my calendar for countdown for year 2010 and making sure i get through it all sane and sound. oh yes while we're on the topic of christmas, my creative zen is currently dying so if you're reading this and you feel rich and kind hearted this christmas, i would like an mp3 player please =P

on another note, the semester is not even finished and dr loke's packed his bag and left jcu already. we all know he suck as a lecturer but the speed that he left still left some of us reeling man. however steph and i have concluded that its probably in his best interest to just stick to consultancy since he's definitely not a shrink i'll go to (according to himself, he can be quite sarcastic to the client sometimes, especially divorcing couples o.O). best not to encourage any suicide attempts eh? so in the wake of his departure, john tan has taken over org psych. why the special mention you ask? if you still dont know who john L. tan is, try googling his name and you'll see. i bet that was his moment of glory man and i still dont understand why he would rather spend nights outside in the cold and risk being arrested than to stay at home with his family. ahh mystery mystery. but anyhoo, we have a jailbird lecturer in jcu man, how cool is THAT!

third november.

2007-11-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

quoting from shihui and in a milder tone, bloody hell is november already!! felt exactly the same way when i read her one line entry yesterday and tho it cracked me up, it still stunned me that the year is almost over and its about time to start thinking abt christmas presents and new year resolutions! the last new year resolution did not seem that far away.ahhh.

anyway, schools finally started and its back to tons of readings. unfortunately i have jill bromley back as my counselling tutor and she is reaaalllyyyyy (i cannot emphasize enough) boring. it doesnt help that she has a PTSD cat and she might have possibly eaten our essays from 2sems ago (we havent gotten that back -.-). but! we have taken to betting (the moneyless kind) on how late she will be for class just to spice things up in class hahaha. fyi, i won for the first tutorial, 2.10pm =D

was reminded the other day that i used to go out alot and i blogged alot too. somehow i just dont have the energy for such activities anymore, taking joy in random little things like staying home just to chill and watch endless episodes of scrubs or reading at a small cafe. its not that i'm being tied down or that my time's taken up by tianping..its just that i dont have the energy to be happening anymore. its not something bad and its nice to slow things down and just spending time according to how i want it and not how other pple think i should want it. yknow?

anyway if you must know after reading the above, i forgot why i wanted to blog in the first place already. the purpose slipped my mind 3 words into this entry but i carried on ranting anyway. 5mins ago daniel showed me two pictures of jap girls in different hair styles and asked me which was nicer. for a scary moment i thought he was gonna try em out cos he asked abt hair extensions and where can one get it. you really cant blame me for assuming the freakiest thought man, he likes black cats cos he's born on the 13th. O_o

pitter patter.

2007-10-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

theres this unit opposite my flat that always hang their clothes out to dry even when they are not at home which means the clothes will get wet each time it rains. how is it that they dont learn after many lessons! damn waste water to have to rewash the load man super geksim. it'll be quite disturbing if they dont rewash and just let the clothes dry up hahaha.

anyway, ventured down to angmokio hub today with tianping just to take a look at the place and see what the big fuss is about (supposed to go with donny and my sister too but due to communication breakdown, we got pangseh-ed). atfirst i really thought twas gonna be alot like toapayoh but it turns out that the hub is this dua shopping centre la! was v impressed with the layout and the great use of space. unlike vivo which is incredibly difficult to walk due cos of the circular design and jurongpoint with its crazy throngs of people at any time of the day, amkhub is a refreshing change with ample space to walk and a great selection of stores to browse. but still, its too far to go all the time so i guess the closest alternative is orchard haha =P

school's starting in another two weeks! kinda looking forward to it so i'll not be bumming around at home but i know i'll start complaining when the workload starts piling up. ahh how will i be ever contented? didnt even get outta sg for a mini holiday tho i kept saying i wanted to =( shall start saving up so i can go to perth nextyear with daph. she refuses to take jetstar and insist tt we shld take sq instead so yeah, more money to be saved! how i wish i have the ability to travel anywhere i want man. i know the easier way out is to be an sq girl like ying but it sucks to travel with pple you dont know aint it? what to do..what to do.

hoosa!

2007-09-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

issit just me or is the weather today crazily hot?! woke up this morning feeling like i have the fever and i walked around with a crazy idea that i am emitting truckloads of heat all over the place.

anyhoo, this mooncake selling business is really tough work man i cannot imagine having to do that everyday single day. if i have to clock 12hour shifts for the whole week i'll prolly collapse from telling pple why the white lotus is a better choice than the pure lotus. after the end of the 2weeks, i can confidently proclaim that i'm a mooncake connoisseur and you can come kiss my feet then. muahaha.

oh just the other day i was casually telling my sister that she should change her phone to the motorola raze since her phone's been serving her for atleast 150 years and panasonic's not longer producing phones. anyway long story short, her phone really really died the next day. and she blamed me for it! claimed that i cursed it thats why it died! her dramatic rendition of her pain for the loss of her phone was highly hilarious it'll definitely sustain me for the week.

p/s: i saw a primary primary school girl (she looked REALLY small!) using a handphone today and on closer look, its the same model as mine! i was stunned by the fact that shes a primary primary school girl who brought her handphone to school and even more stunned that its the same model as mine. it further validates the fact that i shoud get a new phone. soon.

pp/s: evan almighty's really good! lots of guffaws, tears and animals of every kind. go catch it! gen 614!

ppp/s: my mom just told my dad to watch jiao dian cos she wants to watch paparoti (pavarotti) and my dad started repeating 'pavarotti pavarotti' at retarded intervals. he then walked off saying 'mamaroti'. my dad's instant comedy man and he has a penchant for exotic aquarium pets now. i have a lizard looking like fish in my tank at the moment and boy does it look freaky.

classic grissom.

2007-09-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

sarah: hey guess what!
grissom: mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau and starting tomorrow, no one will rape, murder or maim again.
sarah: uhh..noo..O_o
grissom: too bad.

haha sorry this is so random but hey! i love csi!

muffin expert. almost.

2007-07-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

spending days of my precious longass holiday (i start school in november. and before you prepare to stone me for that, i havent had a proper holiday in 1.5YEARS. gimme a break.literally.)

okay i shall start over: spending days of my precious holiday

a) roasting in auntie's oven. the shop lives up to her name man..i can safely say it has horrible feng shui. no feng and definitely no shui. 4 fans in the shop working their asses off and we're still basking in the warm air bestowed on us. on aNY day, the outside feels aircon-ed in comparison.

b) serving student after student in roasting shop. its a wonder why they would rather come to the shop asking for cup noodles (i'm not complaining! i'm just wondering. ahem.) when next door sells $1.50 kuay peng. i mean, its $1.50 la! find me another place that can fight the price and i'll shut up.

c) watching scrubs season 5. again. i love it man its not possible to be bored of scrubs cos their jokes will always be hilarious. got tianping to start watching scrubs too! thus spending many afternoons parked infront of the computer laughing our asses off. haha.

d) playing huntsville all over again. finished ravenhearst for the 2nd time on sunday (tho i got the bug and couldnt unlock the coffin but what the hell, its not even that exciting.) and started on huntsville yday. waiting to see dave online so i can leech prime suspect off him. he's really a game freak man and i'm not even talking abt dota. mostly yahoo sorta games so they're uber fun! (i'm not proud to say that i've been more than acquainted with the game but rest assure i'm not playing it. i'm not that jialat yet. hahaha.)

anyhoo, realised i havent been catching up much with pple around me (i get this realization say..once every 6months?) so first on my list would ofcourse be hoshihui. i dont have many friends that i do keep in contact with sad to say. shld prolly seek out cynthia and fee soon. wonder how's lessons for them..bah.

nothing much happening around here nowadays tho..tried the all famous kway chup at kallang airport recommended by yiheng and after a whole lot of badgering, we finally went on sunday. the promise of 'eat dua deng till you puke' did not exactly materialise but i say, its really yummilicious man! totally can qie the newton one upside down left right and centre. quality and price. so yiheng, it really IS nice, stop brooding abt the lack of dua dengs pls. =D

decided to be touristy and hit kampong glam with tianping after dua deng for some malay heritage experience and i TELL YOU, the place is so neglected la! the heart of kampong glam is actually mother cool with the different restaurants, little souvenir shops and this kickass antique shop that sells all the old school toys, ahkong collections (think phones with the turning dial), this awesome coke bottle collection, gramaphone records and even an ancient vespa! the fact that he's selling chaptek at 50cents and not 3dollars convinced me that he's really sharing the experience rather than ripping tourists off. you should check it out man. gonna fully utilise my holidays to be touristy and source for new stuff to wow me.

before i go and not return for another few months, i shall share a random memory with you:

one fine day fee's brother's gold fish died so he went out and bought an aruwana and a suckerfish for his empty tank. becos of their looks and her penchant for naming stuff, she named the aruwana hitler (cos of the whiskers), and the suckerfish shithead (obvious reasons). the next fine day, she realised hitler ate shithead. everything. hitler is scary.

you fill up my senses.

burnt out.

2007-05-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

you know things are going haywire and assignments are eating at your throat when you decide that even reading your abnormal psych text is a welcome relief from everything else.

its merely the first day of crazy crashcourse lecture week and already i'm feeling like a torn sandbag leaking from all sides. the dryness of the course was very much expected but the pace of it just took everyone by surprise. tho he made every attempt to be humourous and interesting by mocking the class, mocking the germans/french/the rats/whatnot, and chummying his laptop (ahh my superior macintosh!), the feeling of being 'beside yourself' (in the most literal sense) seemed to materialise at every quarter to the hour.

maybe i'm just weak and not up to the standard of the singapore pace. but i never said i was anyway. shrugs. i aM grateful for the constant support, prayers, random perks and shields from the sun tho i seemed to be always whining. i guess i'm just not the sort who can gather strength through mere thought, hence making me quite a hard person to please haha. it is actually a wonder that i can still piece words together in here, tho not very coherently, but i cant spit out a single word for my essay. gdluck to me eh. i shall go back to reading on eating and sleep disorders. -snorts-

mayday maydayy.

2007-05-01T20:50:00.000+08:00

socialpsych assessment requires us to choose a newspaper article a social theory to blog about in learnjcu so everyone in class is totally averse towards the idea of blogging now. which explains why i havent written in a motherlong time. considering how little i'm doing for this site, i actually considered closing it down but held back for two reasons: a) i actually do like my blog. it looks very pretty tho its just smth i got off the net. b) i'd still like to retain this to remind myself that i DO like to rant and this is most prolly my best outlet. so there, its staying. oh yes i did planned to post my boring blog assessments in here to replace my silence but i guess its the last thing pple wanna read. plus i for one do not want to be throwing sch stuff at other pple as do someone i know who sadly, i share the same initials with. O_o i did not actually realise that until only recently when it was hurled into my face. blahh.

well, after 10years of listening to the phantom of the opera cd, i finally watched it! twas awesome man tho there were many complaints about the singing not being good enough (give her a break man she's being compared to sarah brightman. can we even compare?), the set, the costumes and the songs were uberfantastic! phangi was hilarious as is his name tho he died in the end, poor thing. but still, wonderful wonderful!

other than that, nothing's been happening much lately. everyone's stressed up over presentations, essays, online assessments, getting shot by pple's comments on the entries (someone commented tt jackie chan's nose was too big and he was totally trashed by another person. shows how loyal jackie chan's fans are. powerful nose.), copious amount of reading to do, and painfully long lectures to attend. thankgoodness psychopathology lec is ending soon man. she goes on and on abt schizophrenia like she's describing her garden. its weird enough that she's living alone and has many cats. havent we heard enough horror stories about cats? bah.

well, atleast to break the monotonous day to day activities, spent a day in sentosa just being touristy! -grins- tho i nearly got frightened out of my skin in the morning and my breath was literally taken away and i'm now covered in mosquito bites cos of the jungle trail, i wouldnt have it any other way. and for the record, we didnt even step onto the beach man. twas all touristy attractions so yup, tho we saw the throngs of people on the beach, we didnt feel it at all cos twas all seen from a distance. already i'm awaiting the next outing!

maltshakes at the chicken rice stall.

yencilbox.

2007-03-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

earlier as i was reading up on my depression article, i realised that if i really do go overseas to study in the future, i might get end up getting depression man. morbid as it sounds but even here at home, i do feel the drop in mood when the sunsets. talk about seasonal depression.haha. if the blogging assignment is for abnormal psych i might just ace it. laughs. i should probably go find out which part of the brain is responsible for obsessive broodings. i'm guessing its the frontal lobe cos thats the part responsible for ocd. not that i have ocd. i'm just saying.

since we're on the topic of ocd, allow me to entertain you with a patient's story in my textbook. i cannot remember his name so i shall call him Mr M. (they always alphabetize them in the textbook anyway). Mr M. has a long history of ocd and that eventually led to depression cos he was frustrated that he couldnt control his obsession. so one day he decided to kill himself by sticking a gun into his mouth. but instead of killing himself, he shot through the roof of his mouth and into his brain, hitting the frontal lobe and lesioning away the exact part of the brain that causes ocd. and he was cured. and he didnt die. thats uber amazing i say! i'm guessing the physical damage wouldn't be pretty but what the heck man he's cured! and thats the story of Mr M.

anw, socialpsych lecture today was painfully long. and i'm not even saying mental pain, it became physical pain. spent 3 hrs going through what we've already learnt in yr1 intro to psych1 and i'm guessing we took an even longer time today. was so tempted to siam during break but resisted it and got hated by cynthia.suffice to say she was in more pain than me.hahaha. thankGod i was sitting next to her..totally saved my life in more aspects than one. for you who've read till thus far, i can't believe you read all the way through cos i'm basically just rambling and needed something to do to take my mind off anal thoughts. was supposed to go slp it off but its almost 1 and i'm feeling wide awake. think i'll go play sims2 for abit. -walks away-

oh p/s: i've a yellowpencilbox courtesy of tianping and its uber bright. i shall ignore the fact that its acs colours and just embrace the yellowness of it. hahaha. i love my yencilbox!

hawkertalks and faberwalks.

2007-03-05T12:21:00.000+08:00

whoa my last post was on the 14 jan. what a happy date. -grins-

anyhoo, apologise for the disappearance not that many people actually check on my updates.haha. one semester's gone and another one's starting in two days time but thanks to the admin screwup, we start wednesday instead of today! allowing more me-time to eat pineapple tarts and blog boring entries. exams went by with much stress and hair pulling but i can say i've done all i could practically and possibly do. come to think of it i actually slept more this time round than the last exam i had. hmm. just praying hard that i'll D my stats man. apparently most people came out of the examhall with pale looks and chantings of 'diediedie' so i'm hoping moderation will favour me. ahh.

the cruise trip last week was goood! didnt really do much stuff cept to eat, sleep, read, mahjong, eat, sleep, read, mahjong..and repeat hell loads of times. oh ya add in constipation. i concluded that its the cold air onboard that caused the..uh..blockage. they seriously blast the aircon like free man so its either too hot outside, or its too cold inside. remind me to bring longs the next time i go again. on other news, the weather in phuket was so hot tho twas a miracle we didnt get heatstroke. dont understand how those caucasians over there could walk around all day topless. its kinda disturbing at first but u get habituated when they start swarming the streets. ahwell.

chinese new year as usual passed without much exciting happenings. christine and dawn both popped their babies before the newyear its a shame we couldnt see them. guess by the time i get to see them again christmas, their babies would prolly be crawling already. but its okay man as much as i'm dreading the new semester and the truckload of work thats gonna come along with it, i'm willing for the clock to tick faster so the weeks will speed by. right now i'm just gonna be contented with playing simple computer games like ravenhearst, slow days watching tv on the couch, long walks and therapeutic bus rides.

dingding! in preparation for the crazy sem's thats bestowed upon us for the next 3months, we're gonna have a major shindig session at cynthia's tomorrow! movies! pizzas! twisties! calbee! cant wait man her couch is so comfortable i'll love to bring it home. actually her house is so pretty i'll love to bring that home too. =P right now i'm on a quest to gain some kilos so i'll not be thrown out of the next blood donation drive for being underweight. cruise made me a kg heavier! hope the new semester wont take that away. gargg.

whoopa!

2007-01-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

for the new year i was actually planning to make myself sleep before midnight and wakeup at 9 so i have ample time to get some work done before i get to school.so i tested tt out last week and guess what? IT FAILED. of course it did. everynight (ok almost.) i went to bed before midnight but i couldnt fall asleep! i'd end up tossing and turning till its way past midnight before i fall into unrelaxed slumber, periodically waking up every 2hrs or so, feeling super awake at ard 630 in e morning and when i fall back to slp, i'll slp past 9. in my defense, i DID try and will still continue trying. shall not be ambitious and make bedtime 1230am. gotta start realistically eh?

anyways, had yf orientation on saturday and its been such a long time since i had mass dance man! still remembered the last time we danced to oh! carol. that was eons ago when the old batch was still around. now they've all left, gotten married and spawn many babies but here i am, still in yf dancing to jitterbug. how beautiful. =) thought the best thing about saturday was dinner. truckload of us set off to tiongbahru market and twas proven to be an excellent choice. enough seats to accomodate our small army and enough food selection to satisfy all of us. but most of us ended up at the western stall cos some of them wanted to hear the sleek guy call every guy yandao and every girl mei nu. it was super hilarious to see everyone give the knowing look but no one dared to laugh out loud. so if you're looking for a boost in morale, ego and self-worth, take a trip down to tiongbahru market and you might just get a dose of what you need! oh yes! through dinner i've also learnt that nincompoop is really a word! always thought that its just a british sounding made-up word but boy was i wrong. according to the american heritage dictionary, it is defined as: NOUN: A silly, foolish, or stupid person. nincompoopery. how cool is that! i was highly amused by it. hahaha. all in all, though we left the place smelling like barbeque ourselves, i can confidently say we all had a fantastically fantastic time. woot! we love jmyf and we cannot hide! muahaha.

on a side note, you know your kids have grown up and can fend for themselves when you've decided on a roadtrip up to ipoh and you only tell them 2days in advance without highlighting the fact that you'll actually be gone for 3 whole days. you dont provide emergency cash, theres not much food in the fridge or canned stuff in the cupboards. but its okay man, all is cool. and how do i know all that? cos my parents just took off this morning leaving me incredulous. at least the hongs got chicken! stranded. i feel stranded. i need food!

"its been almost 2 years since that faithful maundy thursday i made u cry", she said. and i laughed.

hello oh-seven.

2007-01-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

2007 did not exactly came with a bang. felt kinda anticlimax today actually when i woke up to realised that its another school day, nothing much has changed and i'm still lying on blue pooh bear bedsheets. 2006 i would say, is considered a relatively good year with big steps taken, resolutions met, relationships changing and surprising new perspectives. somehow realised that i'm quite an uncontented fool, always hoping that things will be better, never really stopping time to time to reflect on how blessed i really am.

felt the christmas season fly by once again with busy schedules to meet, numerous practices to attend and christmas shopping to complete. right now in my head, the perfect christmas setting to me is to be away from all the hustle and bustle here, fly away to a white christmas, sit among the congregation during service to worship and reflect without having to rush around with things to do. and during the night it'll just be dinner with a damn good spread complete with stuffed turkey and delicious desserts. i always liked the feeling of everyone squeezing in the living room watching tv together cos its such a simple way of chilling and bonding without having to do anything tedious. i guess even though most of the time i'm ruining parades by stating practical scenarios, the truth is i'm still a dreamer at heart. its just that thinking of things in a practical manner makes many things easier to bear and accept rather than thinking of what could have been. my dreams have been shot time and time again, i'll prolly need new ones for the new year.

right now i'm already being tested on my first resolution of the year: depend less on people and more on God. back to school today and i'm already starting to panic with the massive amount of work i have put off and the numerous deadlines i have to meet. u might say at least i havent fallen into despair yet and i doubt i will anyway, but honestly i'm getting light headed just thinking about work. in anyday you see me walking around like a total nut job, please gimme a tug so i dont lose my mind.

you made me think. i hate that.

musings.

2006-12-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

its weird that i always feel the urge to blog during times of tests and exams. wassup with that man. anw taking a break from brain and behaviour before commencing on psychopharm topic. its seriously draining every single cell in my brain starting with the cerebrospinal fluid. haha ok sorry random ranting of terms.

ohyes! i watched Holiday yesterday! whatever the darn critics say, I LIKE IT. so what if its slow-paced? it doesnt necessarily mean that its boring. its the end of the year man give us a break. its nice to have a neutral show with gorgeous cottages, villages, chimneys, snow and whatnots to bring in the christmas cheer. the only thing is i'm not feeling the cheer. yet. =/ checked back my post last christmas and i realised i din felt the cheer then too. what's happening? its gonna be damn depressing if i look back here a year later and i'm still feeling that anticlimax feeling towards the holidays. maybe i just need a break. one that really feels like a break without tons of programme lined up everyday. i want time to do the things i WANT to do, pple i wanna meet and talk to, movies i wanna watch. its not too much to ask for the holidays aint it? right. so give it to me!

anyhoo, started this entry at steph's and i'm ending it back at home. did almost 8hrs of brain n behaviour today and i'm totally wasted. on a random note, today's the day i finally saw steph eat rice. or eat a proper meal for that matter..and i've known her since march. weird huh? well, ask me and i can tell you more abt her extended family etc. its hilarious yet disturbing to some depending on how you see it. cant wait for tmr's test to be over so i can breathe again. it pisses me off to constantly feel that i needa study and shld not be doing anything remotely relaxing. like yesterday halfway through The holiday, i was assaulted with guilt that i have wasted time i could have used to study to watch a movie. damn sian la i refuse to be bounded by that. i just need tmr to be over so i can get back some sort of sanity. -stares into space-

sometimes i wonder if i'll be better at deciphering words and actions with all that i'm studying. it doesnt make sense to me when words and actions dont seem to match yet i'm supposed to accept that its just the way things are. wouldnt it be easier if 'yes' means 'yes' and 'no' means 'no'? i dont get it. do you?

i guess i was never good at charades.

random rambles.

2006-11-21T16:10:00.000+08:00

its already the 3rd week of the new trimester and i'm already steeling for the huge wave of workload that is coming my way. come to think of it i'm already quite behind on my readings and i dont foresee this going smoothly. haha. but anyhoo, i shall not go on abt school.

i've realised that apart from long busrides, i actually do enjoy long walks with no destination in mind. many times i found myself wandering down the streets of town alone with no intention of shopping, yet fully enjoying every moment of it. just the other day i randomly abandoned my books to take a short walk up to mt faber (its fantastic tt we're located at the foot of the hill.hoho.) and i can honestly tell you it was great. tho half the time i was trying to not get knocked down by oncoming cars and tour buses, and also having to ignore the stares of pple in the cars who might think i'm suicidal (i'm not by the way.haha.), it was still extremely therapeutic. it was as tho the further i walk up the mountain, the higher i climb, i would draw closer to God.

i had the hope that maybe if i can literally get away from the hustle and bustle of the streets and pple, i would be able to hear Him better and hopefully to get some answers. it felt nice to talk, to reason, to rationalise, to put two and two together and even to argue with God in my head cos it just makes things easier to say. i mean, He already knows what i'm thinking, what in the world can i hide? ahwell, signs and answers i did not actually get, but at the end of it all, i did felt more at peace with myself (not tryin to sound zen here tho) and things appeared in better perspective. oh ya, and God knows better than i do. heh.

after meeting up afew chums last week, suddenly felt the odd sense of loss realising that there are some whom i cannot reach anymore. cannot remember how it stopped, how we lost that communication, how it ended up being awkward. just goes to show how fragile a relationship is isnt it. time does change lots of things and maybe i'm just trying to cushion the probability of the inevitable happening. if things could remain constant, if thoughts could be read, if things could be clear right from the start, i'd wanna be the first to grab it. but ohwell, it just doesnt happen. ultimately, cliche as it sounds, God is constant. cling onto that.

please stick ard and keep me in check.

"of course! like a leech my dear, like a leech. ha!"

bergennnn.

2006-11-01T00:15:00.000+08:00

sakura buffet at orchard shopping centre is hereby deemed to be lousier than the science centre one and i'm guessing the marine parade one as well. NEXT TIME i'll definitely try out the science centre spread since reliable sources (hope so!) said that the place is twice as big.hoho! but anyway! the food is not that bad considering no one complained that the oysters are all not fresh (not that i eat them anyway) and i love the mushroom soup/prawns/sushi/unagi on stick/fake abalone. shall not go into how we must eat 26bucks worth of food according to the market price out there cos ultimately we are still ripped off considering they'll offer tourists 8bucks for the buffet as compared to 30bucks paid by locals. so yeah get over it.

anyhoo! i have discovered a new place that can be a potential migratable place: BERGEN NORWAY. for one, the exchange rate is 1SGD to 4Kroner. EUROPEAN COUNTRY LEH! call me a midget for realising that only now but i was seriously damn shocked.high standard of living and whatnot aside, the exchange rate is already a gd sign. drivers are cordial on the roads so i have heard, always giving way (and i can kinda vouch for that.even australians have a thing against pple cutting lanes.hmm.) and i'm sure they make use of their signal lor. =/ high standard of morality and honesty, fantastic weather, they have oldstreets and alleyways, country markets, fishing, mountains and scenic views, museums and galleries *rambles on and on with even higher pitch*. u get the drift.haha.so YES! it shall be worth considering. so yep if one day you realised that i'm suddenly gone from singapore, you should prolly try bergen. g'night folks!

p/s: oh anyway, pls do not try to spoil my bergen dreams by telling me horrible things. i might just slaughter you.

thats all.

dumbstruck.

2006-10-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

before i start boring u with details of the past month, pls allow me to explain my failure to blog for such a long time: i devoted and drained all sentence forming skills into my 2 reports of twothousand words each. so yeah i have none left to describe miniscule details of my mundane life.

so! where should we start? over the past month,
i) i've discovered a fantastic movie depicting the life of composer cole porter (i'm sure some are tired of me raving abt it but who cares?)
ii) handed up all my assignments
iii) DID MY STATS PAPER YESTERDAY! WOOHOO!
iv) trying to keep up the life of a mugger but i'm just too lazy
v) checked out but not yet tried various toilet paper shots
vi) visited vivocity, making myself a statistic reported in the newspaper
vii) do you really want me to continue?

anyhoo, all in all, i'm actually in the middle of my exam week and yet i choose such a time to blog. i shall justify my relaxation time here by proclaiming that i've spent 7hrs at fareast bk cramming with enough details into my head to turn it into mush. i guess the bk pple should be used to us moving from one corner to another, bringing endless bubbletea into their premise and laughing our ass off at famous names in the psych text index. hey u hafta forgive us man the guy's last name is fagot.=/

lately i've not been having any luck with my buses. just last saturday, i waited almost 50mins for a bus that was too crowded to board. i could've reached home in the time i took waiting la. was so darn pissed off that i hopped on the next bus to jurong and changed another bus. took in 2hrs to reach home from kentridge.grr. some certain bus company should really revise their bus interval time man. raising the busfare (yet again!) is bad enough and yet no decency to guarantee regular intervals! blah. today was another 25mins waiting for the bus to get to orchard and ANOTHER 25mins back. unbelievable.maybe i should just stick to the train.sigh.

cant wait for friday to be over and for my 2weeks of break to arrive. tho its a bummer that i dont have month-long holidays to brag about, at least i can seek solace in the fact that i graduate much much earlier than most. ahhhh GIVE ME MY HOLIDAYS AND TAKE THE HAZE BACK. i'm sure every blog out there is ranting abt the haze so i shall not comment. thankGod i've already fallen sick and recovered before my exams hohoho! i'm guessing i'll prolly go mad after my exams cos i'm just so highstrung nowadays i might just snap any moment. it doesnt help that the hormonal imbalance in me is causing irrational anger that happens most nights after 12.weird.

yup long story short, i'm kinda hooked on bubbletea at the moment, i like stats more than learning and behaviour, i've sold enough mooncakes to buy small presents for myself, i'm tired of brooding and i'm sick of thinking too much. for many things at the moment, i cant help but think i should have seen them coming. fantastic.

u know someone's high on stats when you ask them whats the difference between dfbetween and dfwithin and he gives to the answer "one is 8 and one is 12" laughs.

in memory.

2006-09-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

'crikey!' can't believe the well-loved crocodile hunter is gone. animal planet at 12pm seemed to have lost all significance already. here's to the greatest herpethologist of the 21st century.

gosh i love scrubs.

2006-08-18T11:11:00.000+08:00

so in love

2006-08-17T18:19:00.000+08:00

written and composed by cole porter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHjv0MOfpM

Strange dear, but true dear,
When I'm close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you,
My arms fold about you,
You know darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious,
The night when you first were there,
In love with my joy delirious,
When I knew that you could care,
So taunt me, and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I'm yours, till I die.....
So in love.... So in love....
So in love with you, my love... am I....

shucks why can't i be born in in the era with such great music. grr.

random musings.

2006-08-04T23:43:00.000+08:00

sorry guys for not updating as usual nowadays. somehow can't seemed to find anything interesting to update cos things are just moving very slowly now. guess i'd say life is quite smooth sailing right now, having 2-3 day sch weeks, long weekends and more opportunities to slp till 11. still, its hard to feel contented and i'm starting to feel weird abt having tt much free time to lounge infront of the tv watching endless animal planet. for one, the lack of motivation to study is bothering me already plus the fact that i haven't gotten back a single result from the past 3major exams that i took. hmm. hence the feelin of cruising everyday without some form of reward or at least some answers is somewhat..y'know, unmotivating. =/

anyhoo, with more free time means more brooding time with me spacing out inbetween commercial breaks. realised tt i haven't been catching up with many pple tt i consider impt to me. and the inability to start or maintain a conversation is not exactly making whole thing easier. even now i find it hard to string words into sentences to pen this down. bleah. even now i'm starting to realise that i'm uncomfortable, even to the point of being careful, with pple i was once great friends with. the no idea when did it start, no idea why. it just is. whereas there are those i'm ashamed to say that i might have overlooked, stuck around to offer help. but, i still want to know that bonds formed now will not be like water leaking out of my hands because i am desperate to hold on to it, knowing that i alone will not be able to support myself.

drop me a tag, it might not seemed impt or even uselss to you, but it's a comfort to me to know tt you're still around. =)

rules of logic dont apply.

2006-06-29T12:22:00.000+08:00

i sense the pain but it seems surreal.
i hear the words but i cannot express it.
i ask the questions but only in my head.
i sense the feelings yet it seems like a lie.
i choke on my own thoughts, feeling suffocated.

i guess this is it.

mere responsibility.

2006-05-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel sad for teckbeng laoshi. especially when he makes the effort to rush through the causeway on fridays to be back in time for choir yet his efforts seemed to be in vain. if you are late because you have work or school, that i can understand. come in 10-15mins late? fine fine. but to be 'fashionably late' ( i use the term very loosely here) is totally unacceptable. how is it that pple can be so cavalier towards a commitment? just because laoshi is patient and nice enough to not name names does not mean that you can just get away with it.

what irks me the most is that it's normally the older ones who are late. how is that a good example for the younger ones to follow? they'll think that it is okay to be late and thus, making a habit to not turn up on time and the vicious cycle continues. oversleeping is not an excuse. you dont oversleep on a workday or schoolday do you? why? because it is a commitment. then wouldn't sundays be extra important because it is a commitment to God? such disregard for simple responsibility does not reflect well on you, dont even mention dependability. it's even more unbelievable when others can waste other pple's time and laugh it off afterwards, blaming it on reasons that should not even be condoned.

so what if you claim to be irresponsible and yet continue doing it? there's no point in apologising if you dont attempt to rectify the problem isn't it? it just takes a little effort on your part and i dont think it's asking too much of you. give some thought to laoshi when you decide to snooze on a sunday morning. the anxiety he feels when pple dont turn up on time to practice. think of him when you decide that you dont wanna turn up for practice or sunday morning worship. think of the commitment you made to God when you decide to join choir. tardiness is not and will never be acceptable. get that into your head.

desperate for time.

2006-05-25T18:38:00.000+08:00

"for every hour of class time, you are expected to have two hours of revision time for each subject." yep. this is how i'm pressed for time. a 2 hour lecture means 6 hours of revision and that means...i'm already 12hours behind for intro to psychII and 12hours for statistics. fantastic!
for the first time in my life i have to drag myself down to school though i'm really feeling under the weather. sorethroat, flu and clamminess dont seemed to be good enough reasons to skip lessons anymore because the course is so intensive that one missed lecture means one whole chapter on my own. i cannot afford that. i still stop myself to ask if i am pushing too hard and the answer, honestly, is no. so right now i'm praying that i'll miraculously get well over the weekend cos i can't afford to be spending time recuperating anymore.

got to choose our electives yesterday! had quite a few interesting modules to select from and between neuroscience and principles of counselling, i chose the latter. though i'm really interested in neuroscience, realistically i think the interest alone will not be able to sustain me throughout the whole course. think i'll go mad studying the anatomy of the brain. should probably equip myself with counselling skills since i'm planning on heading towards counselling or clinical psych. ok enough about school! gosh i'm so boring. ok off to more interesting highlights.

i watched poseidon! ok this is old news considering i watched tt 2 weeks ago but ANYWAY. the effects are really good and it's powered with excitement throughout the whole show. oh oh and the dialogues are really smart. plus josh lucas (for the last time, NOT george lucas.) looks really hot. ha! 2days after watching poseidon i went cruising! the trip was really laid back, ate alot, jacuzzi-ed alot, read a little, didn't really suntan much though i did try. the stopover at redang was a major turn off. all i can say is: redang is seriously overrated. there's like absolutely no way you can relax and unwind cos every minute music is blasting from the amplifier, children screaming, pple running around. -.- yeah the water is clear but filled with rocky corals in the shallow waters. definitely not enjoyable.

then it was davinci. as usual the book is more enjoyable than the movie itself. felt that the ending is a little anticlimax cos it ended quite abruptly. can imagine a sign being put up at the louvre anytime soon: The DaVinci Code is just a movie, please do not break our floors, Mary Magdelene's tomb does not reside here. Thank you for your cooperation.

caught xmen 3 on wednesday and yup, it was good! tho i was hoping for more characters to appear and show true potential instead of them dying 20mins into the show, turning psychotic and getting cured. but anyhoo! storm is really really cool! frankly speaking she could've singlehandedly won the whole war by electrocuting everyone in the vicinity. come on, she controls an element! ohwell it's logical to tone down her powers. for full understanding of the drastic damage she could have caused, please consult One Piece's character Eneru in the Skypiea arc.

so! after a month of hiatus, i've studied enough hours to make me sick (it's still not enough enought), i've watched a record of 3movies in 2 weeks, went on my dreamcruise, ate alot, played arcade and finally succumbing to the flu virus. thats about all i did so i guess you haven't really missed much. now i'm going back to studying hell lots of hours to make me sick again. wish me luck!

爱子归来 -詹宏达

2006-05-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

仿佛是遥远记忆，似乎已经忘记祢；
肺腑心肠冷冷清清，早已是昏昏沉沉漂泊梦里。
哪知祢还记得我，久等候不忘承诺；
天父，怜悯! 怜悯我软弱!
垂听我灵魂细诉困惑:

“是非难分明，该何去何从?
人事扑朔迷离，不在意料中；
有时狂风起，有时地摇动，
灾祸连连不间断，彷徨惊恐。”

贪欲间真爱失落，迷途中岁月蹉跎；
追逐一场空洞虚幻，最后是曲终人散孤孤单单。
慈爱声悄然来临，抚慰我纷乱心情:
“爱子，归来! 仍于我同行!
仍于我同行! 仍于我同行! 于我同行!”

世路多艰难，忍耐才能当，
日久老练通达，心生盼望；
盼望中祈求，祈求中等候，
等候不知羞愧，光荣自由。
灵魂交托主，福祸不在乎，
直到战争结束，欢欣走天路!

hamburgers.

2006-04-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

i have a question: if you take a hamburger, put it into a blender and blend it till it becomes hamburger sauce, drizzle it over your burger and eat it, will you be eating one burger or two burgers? cos technically you are only eating one burger. and will you feel extra full cos of the additional burger that is blended into sauce? sauce ain't suppose to make you feel full right? hmm.

faith in little things.

2006-04-23T22:34:00.000+08:00

i realise that i'm really pressuring myself to do well for school. can't help it or stop myself cos i really really want to do well. its ironic to be reading up on stress and anxiety and at the same time feeling them myself. its really quite tiring to keep this going but i can't seem to shake the uptightness away. throughout the whole day i can't stop thinking about work. about the many things i havent start on and the fact that no matter how many hours i put in, i still can't close the gap.

i know i should not be relying on my own intelligence and to have faith in small things, big things, all things, all this i know! but i'm fearful and doubtful of my own ability and probably doubtful of God's ability. it's easy to say have faith but i guess i'm not there yet. i hope i will be there soon. didn't meet the 75% mark i was hoping for in the mcq test. super disappointed. was staring at the score and willing it to go up, unable to pull my eyes away from the screen. Obsession= Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

sigh. on a brighter note, i finally made specs today, its baby pinkish metal frame and it looks real nice. gonna get it in 1 weeks time.yay. got a pair of johnsons contact lense for free (very soft, very comfortable) and bought new curtains for my room. i should probably sound proof my room next to block out the noisy squawking birds in the early mornings or i could just hire a hitman to shoot them all. we dont scream into your nests at night when you sleep do we? take a hike and squawk somewhere else.

anyhoo, think i'll go cheer myself up and watch sleepless in seattle. i'm happy to know that people think of me when they see sleepless in seattle. best movie ever!

we are the reason.

2006-04-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

As little children, we would dream of christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys, we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reasonThat He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reasonThat He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reasonThat He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

He is my reason to live

sickened.

2006-04-10T15:47:00.000+08:00

i realised how easy words are able to change someone's perspective of the situation. just a twist and others will be led to believe that you are infact the suffering victim. i am not that self-righteous to proclaim that i believe everyone is good and that they will all change for the better when they grow up. cos frankly, i'm just a cynical hag that build walls and takes words with spoonfuls of salt and what happened the last time is really still etched in my memory. that is why i have no idea why i believed you in the first place.

i do not doubt for a second that what you told me really happened, but how much of it is accurate and untwisted, i dont know. what bothers me is that you chose to come to me with all that. is it because you already expected me to believe and to sympathise with you? or am i not the only one bluffed into it? it sickens me to realise that you have once again lied to my face. i find it really sad to reflect on whatever you have said in the past and categorising them as lies but honestly, i cannot even start to imagine myself believing another word you say.

how easy it is to lose faith in the words of others because of people like you who manipulates words and conjure up lies. these are reasons why people build up defensive barriers and choose to be skeptical. i can tell you i'm really disappointed but i doubt you care anyway.

blanks.

2006-04-03T12:29:00.000+08:00

into the second week of school and i'm already behind in my chapter reading. =/ realised that after the long hiatus, i cannot seemed to study effectively. i guess i should probably give myself a little more time to get into the momentum of things. current aspiration: to be a full fledged mugger if i can manage it. though a 3hour lecture sounded potentially looming, i was surprised to find that time seemed to fly past cos there's really no time for me to feel sleepy even when i'm having night lecs. there's constantly new terms to learn, concepts to understand and situations to ponder about. i'm actually having a gd time right now =) hopefully this attitude will persist for the next 2 (or maybe 3) years. heh.

things are pretty quiet now that ahma's in the nursing home. the sound of nothing is really soothing to the soul and i can finally sit in the living room and read. i've also gotten my room back and after such a long time, i bid farewell to the feet of legolas, whom i've been beneath for the past 1.5years. yay. i'm now in the process of making my room look less like a storage area and more like a bedroom but alas! creativity and interior designing has never been my forte hence i'm stumped.
however! i drew up a list of things i want in my room:
- a pretty mirror. necessity.
- a nice wall clock.
- some available wall space. -.-
- this current computer.
- a bean bag or a small sofa.
- a nice lamp? hmm.
- a comfortable chair.

all the above shouts a trip to ikea. shall find time to go and hopefully stumble across other stuff to beautify my bare room. spent the afternoon cleaning up my room and throwing away accumulated rubbish lurking beneath the shadows. was reading through christmas cards (decided to keep them) and reminiscing about the past years when it became pretty clear: people do come and go without me realising or remembering how. can't seemed to remember how it dissolved into nothing back then but i'm guessing it is probably my fault. dont really know how to salvage it now that it's gone cos i can't just go apologising out of the blue. =/ so now, subconsciously i think the reason for me building walls around myself is not because i want to protect myself, but rather, to prevent myself from unknowingly hurting others cos the damage can be so easily inflicted and the connection easily destroyed.

distance distance.

p/s: daph, whats up with you? blog entry wasn't..uh..informative. =/ injured my finger playing ball yesterday =( swollen and super painful.blah.

bumming around.

2006-03-23T19:51:00.000+08:00

daph! one night i dreamt that you said "i'm not gonna talk to you anymore." stun la when i woke up. haha.

anyhoo, my school haven't officially started so theres really nothing to be enthusiastic about yet. yesterday was orientation day and it was unexpectedly similar to my poly orientation! we had games and tshirts and campus/bukit merah central tour. bukit merah has tons of things to see and eat la! so damn excited. haha. plus the library is just a mere 5 mins away from school hence its of utmost convenience to me. muahaha.

only taking one module (intro to psy) this block so my timetable is extremely relaxed. no school on mondays and fridays, 1900-2200hrs on tues, 1400-2200hrs on weds and 0900-1200hrs on thurs. =P i know i need to find a job but my schedule is gonna change 5 weeks later so its tough to make any sort of commitment. ahhh! decisions decisions.

one thing i'm sure of, i'm gonna keep up on some sort of exercise regime. bought a pair of k2 blades last week! its only abec 5 but its good enough for me. not like i'm gonna be some crazy power blader anyways. heh. hopefully can make myself go blading or swimming at least once a week. now that i'm a student once again, i shall make full use of the youthful energy i have bubbling inside me as well as the free time i have on hand. hoho.
speaking of swimming...ladies and gentlemen i'm proud to announce that i swam 20laps today! for a slow and lousy swimmer like me, it is considered quite a feat! feel so pleased with myself tho i'm a little burnt! =D keep fit keep fit!

another thing to be pleased about: i bought the secret garden cd yesterday! its extremely worth the money cos the instrumental pieces are really really good. was listening to the first track yesterday and i teared already cos the music is simply fantastic. expressive and very soothing. lao bak sai ah!

well! the xiang4 ni2 biao3 da2 concert is coming up this saturday and i simply can't wait! we're all practising really hard and i thank God that with every practice, i gradually learn to feel the music and the lyrics, understanding the meaning behind the words as well as the scores. zhan hong da is really very talented and it's really whole new experience to be conducted by him. =) hopefully we're able to convey the msg across to the audiences on that day and that they will enjoy the songs as much as i do!

random fact of the day: 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

changing perspective.

2006-03-04T22:58:00.000+08:00

i thank God for letting me see answers to the many questions that have been running through my mind ever since i started attending jm. maybe it's because i was too used to being the younger ones in the group, looking up to the seniors and assuming that i'll definitely learn more from the older ones. however, ever since sm dissolved and yams came into the picture, it dawned upon me that somehow they might not be as stable as i thought.

it's amazing to feel Him answering my hidden questions, to no longer doubt my service in church and to re-adjust my focus and purpose in my service. i dont want to be a self-centred christian, to always think of what God can do for me but rather, to be God-centred. sometimes i feel that i'm not doing enough, whether is it in church, my friends or my family. many times i felt the need to pull back though i cannot pinpoint on the reason. at least for now i know that my perspective must change, to get used to the fact that lessons can be learnt now matter what the environment is. because ultimately, He is the great teacher.

right now i can't seemed to organise my thoughts properly. i find it increasingly hard to write what i really feel. but the gist of the entry today is that i no longer doubt my place in jm and i trust that my spiritual growth will not be stumped but rather, continue to blossom and grow.

i guess i'll never know what you are thinking. but i can tell you that your self assumption of outgrowing ss saddens me. but then again, we were never on the same frequency.

our daily bread, february 17

2006-02-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
13They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." 14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
15"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."
16Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).
17Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "
18Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her.

In his book Jesus Among Other Gods, Ravi Zacharias tells a story about a girl who became hopelessly lost in a dark and dense forest. She called and screamed, but to no avail. Her alarmed parents and a group of volunteers searched frantically for her. When darkness fell, they had to give up for the night.

Early the next morning the girl's father reentered the forest to search for her and spied her fast asleep on a rock. He called her name and ran toward her. Startled awake, she threw her arms out to him. As he picked her up and hugged her, she repeated over and over, "Daddy, I found you!"

Applying this story to Mary Magdalene's search for Jesus in John 20, Zacharias comments: "Mary discovered the most startling truth of all when she came looking for the body of Jesus. She did not realize that the person she had found was the One who was risen, and that He had come looking for her."

We who believe on Jesus sometimes speak of "finding" Him. But why did we seek Him in the first place? Because, like the shepherd who went out into the darkness to find one lost sheep, God seeks us. He is waiting for us to realize our lostness and reach out to Him. He will pick us up, embrace us, and give us His peace. —Herb Vander Lugt

source: http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

evidence of joy.

2006-02-15T20:52:00.000+08:00

while i'm trying to think of words to describe all that had happened for the past month, i'm mentally assaulted by an oddly familar song floating out of my sister's room--> "aiyee aiyee aye! i'm your little butterfly! ...." gosh thats haunting. =/

made myself comfortable on the couch today for once, hoping to catch an episode of staridol thinking i can finally witness for myself the standard of the contestants as well as to see how good is soonlye. but the only thing i got was the REVIVAL ROUND! argh! this is so not meant to be. i can only say that their acting did not get my attention, rather, i rushed for the remote and promptly tuned to nigella lawson instead. food is indeed always the right choice. =)

for the last one month, i..

1) turned 21. the hong biao mei planned surprises and small gatherings at k-ster to celebrate the very special day and i am indeed touched by all her efforts! thanks you guys for your presence and of course, the presents! =D

2) went to hainan and came back. the weather was awesome, the food was wonderful but fantastically oily, the chickens live on trees, there's perpetually fried lard in the wok, the pple are still as friendly, the air is still as dusty but the bottomline is that our work there is smooth! thank God!

3) chinese new year came and went. angbaos flew in my direction, i drank enough packet chrysanthemum tea to be diabetic, new year goodies vanished before me, my waistline expanded, i ate very little bak gua, i ate very little ngoh hiongs..actually i ate very little of everything leh! but little of everything became alot of things la. aiyar. accumulative deposits. bleah.

ohgosh i'm actually having mental block. i shall check back soon when the blood starts flowing.

childhood dreams.

2006-01-17T09:50:00.000+08:00

elizabethtown reminded me of the things i love as a kid. it was only after the movie that i realised most of my favourite shows revolves around small towns; gilmore girls, twister, ed, dante's peak, elizabethtown. the excitement of sharing the same dreams cannot be expressed through mere words and it's a whole new feeling to be sitting next to someone who knows exactly what you are gasping and gushing about. there's no need for explanations, just mutual understanding, lots of interceptions and completion of sentences.

i love the concept of a small town in the suburbs or counties. to see rows of simple white houses with pretty rose bushes, neatly mowed lawns, kids sitting on the steps leading up to their houses eating ice cream under the clear blue sky. main street will be just 5 minutes away and it'll be lined with rows and rows of shops. to have a grocery store and post office sit next to each other, a diner where you grab a cuppa before work, boutiques with big neon signs, a pizzeria you'll often frequent, the bar at the street corner where everyone gathers on a friday night just to chill.

saturday afternoons will be spent at the park flying kites, tossing a frisbee, walking the dog, reading a book, it's up to you. it is blissful enough to just grab a bench and people-watch with someone close to you without feeling that it's a waste of time. or to sit and read at the same time, each in your own world, at intervals comment on the book out loud though you have no idea what the other party is talking about. there's no need for total understanding cos it's all about being spontaneous!

dusk arrives with the cool breeze you feel on your face while strolling down the boardwalk next to the sea. parents will bring their kids to the local amusement park where you dont have to pay 75bucks for an all-inclusive package. you have the hotdog stands, the candy flosses, the big ferris wheel, bumper cars, the rollercoaster, the haunted house, the stall where you just pay to shoot loads of water into the clown's mouth, vendors walking around selling popcorns and nuts and not to forget the classic merry-go-round. it is not as big, it is not as exciting and it's definitely not disneyland, but cherish the simplicity of it all.

sunday mornings will be spent in church. not a big one with elevators, underground carparks or an auditorium. there's no need for everyone to drive cos it is perfect to enjoy a morning stroll together as a family. the sanctuary will be lined with pews facing the speaker, theres no need for elaborate designs or stain glass for thats not the focus. sunday lunches will be a great opportunity to catch up with friends over a home cooked meal. home-made bread, muffins, clam chowder, roasted chicken, mash potatoes, rice, vegetables, so many! to have everyone sit around the table enjoying the fellowship while tucking into the food. mmm!

so many things i want to pen down, so many pictures i wish i could paint. flowered wallpapers, kids riding on bicycles down the streets with no traffic lights, comfy couch in the living room sitting on the carpeted floor, 20 children packed in the living room watching tv, sitting on the swing attached to the big old tree outside your window, lying in the hammock under the shade for a nap, county fairs, visiting the world's biggest farmer's market, historical festivals..the list goes on.

all these might seemed too ideal, or too good to be true. i might not be able to find them all at the same place, but i still want to experience it all.

would you come with me?

another day.

2006-01-11T12:23:00.000+08:00

weixin: eh melvin, you're the last to use the toilet issit?
melvin: huh? dont know leh.
weixin: then whats with the toilet paper folded hotel style?
melvin: oh! ya thats me. i think it looks very nice ma.
weixin: when i saw it i knew it was you! only you will do something like that.

*burst out laughing*

this, is just another day at the office.

wave.

2006-01-09T09:55:00.000+08:00

every morning while walking to the office, i'll walk past the same man bringing his kid to school. i only started noticing when one fine day, i saw the whole family heading out together: the father. the mother. little toddler and the kindergarten kid. doubt i could capture that perfect picture with a camera with my lack of photography skills but i can tell you, it looks blissful in my head. and every morning i'll ask myself the same question: why wouldn't you look up and smile? yep. it's such a me thing to do. BUT! as a resolution for the new year, tt's one thing i told myself i'd change and it's part of "make joyce a better person" project. so since the start of january, acknowledging, smiling and even an occasional "gd morning" has become a daily routine for me. =)

bumped into ven in the morning and realised we've been walking the same path every morning for the past 6 months and not once have we met each other. how queer. it's nice to see a familiar face in the morning and not have the impulse to avoid so i could do away with the small talk. it's weird how we dont hang out with the same crowd yet i dont feel weird talking to her. can think of the 4930580938 pple i'll avoid but she's not one of them. hmm. cool. =D

anyway! i think patrizio buanne is gonna hold a concert here in singapore! *ecstatic* i shall start looking for kakis to go. dates and seat prices are not released yet but i'm guessing its gonna be next month. ahh! i'm so excited! tho the only person i know who listens to patrizio is uncle michael, i shall start looking around for hidden fans! drop me a tag if you're interested to go! heh. found out today that goblet is showing in imax theatre! ahh! i want to watch again! showing till the end of january. must find time to go!

Matthew 6: 33-34: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

indeed.

Entertainment news of the day: Britney Spears is enraged that her husband Kevin Federline wants to be on a new TV reality show with his ex-lover. Their marriage dont seemed very happy. hmm.

i'll be there.

2006-01-04T11:24:00.000+08:00

it's weird that i dont feel the significance of the new year. it felt just like any other day, i did not feel the fresh start neither was there any celebration of some sort. tp said it's a good sign cos it means that my life is smooth sailing now that i do not need a brand new year to start things anew. it IS a big difference compared to the previous new year when the future is still uncertain and the wounds are still raw. what a difference a year makes! i really thank God for putting wonderful people in my midst, the forming of new bonds and the repairing of old. you guys have indeed played a big part in my life for the past year, enduring my nonsense, offering your shoulders, inbox space, msn windows and supportive hands. =)

digress: just heard the il divo version of "unchained melody" on gold90! gosh i really love that song. though it doesn't have the 'sleepless' effect on me, the calming effect of the song can be felt significantly. can't wait to get my hands on their album!

everyday at work, i'm just looking forward to the weekends or upcoming public holidays. it's sad to realise that i'm having sundaynight/monday blues already cos i dont used to have them. so! i was looking through the calendar and smiling at the number of public holidays in jan and feb and frowning while looking at march cos there's no public holidays during that month! BUT! it dawned on my that i'm only working till mid march! it was a happy thought and i ended up smiling again. thankfully no one was looking at me during my facial expression changing moment cos i already have a record for sudden outburst of laughter. well! i'm excited and already counting down the days till i start school =) working life is zapping all the youthful cells i have in me and i cannot let that happen. NO.

chatting with shihui yday made me see that we are seeing things more objectively and maturely now. instead of lamenting on things we cannot have, to focus on things that we know is best for us even if the process is gonna be painful rather than grabbing selfishly for things we want. "even if nothing comes out of it, i'll still be as happy. becos i know it's just gonna be something i remember for life" yup. keep the memories for unlike reality, it cannot be manipulated anymore.

with the start of 2006, instead of feeding you useless facts of the day, i shall update you on entertainment news for the day: Lindsay Lohan is hospitalized in Miami after a severe asthma attack that reportedly broke a blood vessel in her neck. ouch!

happy blessed new year folks!

surprising nonchalance.

2005-12-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

christmas came and left, leaving me with the post-christmas hangover. everything seemed very rushed this year and somehow, the festive period didn't seemed to catch up with me at all. it may seemed wrong to be chasing after the festive mood when christmas is not about partying and all but still, its quite sad that it felt so normal. it is because i'm working? it's weird cos after the long christmas weekend, i wasn't in the working mood either. so what is it?! *confused*

managed to catch up with shihui, peihui (finally!) on friday night and was joined by haisheng and bingyuan. always found it amazing that tho i dont hang out with them much, it dint felt strange to make conversation cos they'll just naturally start asking me stuff so i wouldn't have to start saying something. =/ oh! actually got 2 msgs from sharon and lynette last week, inviting me to christmas party and birthday party. i dint reply any of them cos i figured there's no point in me going considering i have nothing much to say to them. -shrugs- BUT! lynette actually called me around midnight last night to ask me la! and through my unconscious state i still managed to reject the offer cos i have something on that day. woke up this morning thinking it was a dream until i checked my incoming and realised that she DID call. still think it's a better idea to not turn up cos i'll just end up feeling uncomfortable in their midst.

heard news over the christmas weekend that left me surprised yet not totally unexpected. surprised at how fast it can happen but somehow, it seemed like a time-bomb waiting to go off. quite amazed at how nonchalant i felt about the whole thing cos seriously, it doesn't really concern me anymore. daphne thought it was quite a daring move. i still notice. i still observe. what do i feel? nothing.

idealising is a big mistake. i hope you wouldn't be greatly disappointed.

we are the reason.

2005-12-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys, we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by, we learnt more about gifts
The giving of ourselves, and what that means
On a dark and cloudy night
A man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love

I've finally found a reason for living.
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him.
In all that I do, every word that I say,
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him.

unbelievable.

2005-12-14T13:03:00.000+08:00

just when i thought that the new kopitiam opposite our office will be an additional alternative for our lunchbreaks, it has proven to be a huge huge HUGE disappointment. never in my whole life have i ever eaten ba chor mee that tastes like that! it wasn't tasty, it was kinda sour cos they use black vinegar, the fishcake was bland and the FISHBALL was tasteless. i've never ever eaten a tasteless fishball in my life can. no matter how i tried to chew it and distribute it to all the different sections of my tongue to attempt to capture some sort of taste, there was none. at all. even tho the noodles was cooked to near perfection with the right texture, it could not salvage the fact that the ba chor mee was horrible. horrible. tasteless fishballs!!! arhhh!!!!

the teh bing that costs $1.50 was even worse. i'm quite sure the stalls in the kopitiam are trying to out-do each other in the level of blandness. the auntie totally misled me by professionally ice-blending the teh and pouring it into high class tall glasses and smiling at me so kindly. i really wonder if she even added enough condense milk to match the amount of ice shoved into the blender. well, she can qie with the tehbing down the road to see which one is worse. at least the uncle down the road charge lesser for his horrible teh la. argh.
_____________________________________________________________

t'was only yesterday that i realised: CHRISTMAS IS NEXT WEEK! *whoops and jumps* then it dawned onto me that i've not finished my christmas shopping yet! and i have NO TIME! NO TIME! considering taking friday off so i could have a long weekend to rest. seriously think my system is screwed up already. i feel lethargic in the day and energetic at night so i'll only get to sleep around 1-2 o'clock in the morning. vampiric traits you might think? it might not seem very late but i dont get my full 7-8hours of slp!!! arhh..=( my dark rings cannot be saved, my skin is no longer glowing (not like it was very glowy before but STILL) and i'm prone to outbreaks. *drinks water from bottle*

anyway! back to christmas! so many upcoming programmes to look forward to!
- carolling at tong building this coming saturday evening! (badminton in the morning! muahaha!)
- thanksgiving dinner on sunday!
- prison carolling tuesday evening!
- carolling on christmas eve!
- CHRISTMAS NEXT SUNDAY! hallelujah chorus!

tis the season to be jolly! falalalala lalalala! and its also the season to watch home alone 1 & 2 back-to-back! suddenly feel like watching sleepless again! as you can see from the multiple exclamation marks, i am indeed very hyper right now. *grins* going for daph's birthday dinner with her family tonight. zi char! still feeling a little weird but apparently her parents already agreed to it. still cannot fathom why i'll get invitations to family outings. y'all must stop thinking i'm family! =P

*bounces away*

running into open traffic.

2005-12-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

looking back at the past week, i thank God that i managed to pull through it. though i'm physically tired, i'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's long ride up to genting. after 7 days of buzzing around, constantly having people around me, i can now get some alone time with myself. i dont mean that i hate talking to people or having company all the time, i do! just that i really enjoy having some me time, sitting alone with my jumbled thoughts, sorting through them one by one. couldn't really do that during camp cos there's constantly something to do, people to talk to and all. everytime i could find a short interval to take a breather, to stop and enjoy the solitude, someone will come along and ask why am i sitting alone or if i am alright. found it hard to tell them that i'm spending some quality time alone with myself cos it just sounds like i'm chasing them away or giving the feeling like i'm being intruded.

well, though camp was tiring and at times frustrating, it's one of the best i've had =) sewing the priest robes with en en, eunice & anna, doing tabernacle stuff with anna, marc, engyeow, ian and ah seh, such bonding. lots of laughs and random conversations, to learn new things about each other as well as to learn stuff together, it was great! hopefully i could get hold of some pictures to post it up here.

went to sleep at six in the morning today. only managed to get 3.5hours of slp and woke up feeling cranky. somehow during camp, was suddenly assaulted by an all too familiar yet horrible feeling. got moody quite pissed at myself and i'm seriously sick of feeling that way all over again. sometimes i really wished i'm more like ym, to take things as it is and not to think too much. only felt the magnitude of it all when i see my own character on him but somehow, i feel that feeling pessimistic is just a way of protecting myself. it is not good but it is the way i am. sigh. when will i ever learn?

distance. distance.

dreams.

2005-11-28T10:16:00.000+08:00

i dreamt one night that i was walking on the streets, breathing in the crisp clean air, searching for a place of rest. then i stumbled across this building, thinking it's a church tho there weren't any distinct signs. it was only when i stepped through the door that i realised i was in a resort of some sort, with rows and rows of beautiful restaurants. each have their own theme and style, perfectly arranged seatings, captivating lightings illuminating the room, dim yet it felt just right.

my surroundings weren't deserted. it was alive with people, sitting at high tables of dark glossy wood, milling around, conversing, laughing, enjoying each other's company over a pint or two. somehow, even with the clusters of people around me, no one bumped into me and it wasn't suffocating nor was it intimidating. indescribable feelings of comfort and acceptance.

walking on i came to an alfresco setting with a bar set against the coming of dusk. candles upon tables, couples enjoying champagne in flute glasses, bohemian music softly played, soothing the senses. closing in i saw people lounging in the pool with small little waves lapping at their cheeks. the pool was a shade of deep blue and it was upon closer observation that i realised, there was no end to the pool line. it was build right next to the ocean of a similar colour tone, probably separated by a thin wall but creating the illusion that it's one and the same. the sound of the waves crashing onto each other and the breathtaking picture enthralled me, drawing me deeper and deeper....then i woke up.

it felt like paradise. only i know this is nothing compared to what awaits me. but if i could choose, i might not want to wake up at all.

raving madness.

2005-11-26T09:41:00.000+08:00

9.43am. saturday. jalan novena barat. list of things to do today at work: check mail. freecell.check mail again. freecell. blog. check mail (its auto check but the server aint working). freecell. freecell. freecell.

somehow in my work daze i've gotten addicted to freecell when one day i realised that my computer actually has games! and so since this week is a rather free week, i've spent almost 3 hours everyday playing freecell, conquering ALL games and replaying tough ones 10times just to break it. have i become smarter? dont think so. but am i more alert? HELL YEAH! tho i sound like a dork to say this, but i am PROUD to be zai at freecell! muahah! its a form of art i tell you! try winning 6 games in succession without replays! i'm proud of my lifeless achievement thank you very much.

looking back, theres really nothing much to update for my week. watched Just like Heaven on monday (cliche but sweet. cannot compare to sleepless.), met up with daph and mey on thursday for dinner at sakae (FINALLY! chawanmushi!) & drinks at gelare. highlight of the week? mahjong at the hongs yesterday! i seek to clarify that we are not compulsive gamblers nor do we even play with peanuts. it's just a session of destressing, lame jokes, incoherent speaking, short outbursts of animal squawks, tuneless humming and of course, harmless insults. but yday's session was moving on too slowly and we only completed ONE round after almost 2hours la! taught marc to play abit and we all agreed that he learns faster then kenny tho he din't seem all too interested in the game. realised for the first time that he DONT speak chinese at all. try teaching someone mahjong in english. "flower or animal? this one is your PASSPORT to win. eighty thousand, you want? lots of laughter and fun! i like. =)

now that the weekend is here, i'm dreading for monday to come. schedule's jam packed for the next 2 weeks i really wonder if i'll collapse. just a quick look: monday is free. tues n weds will be the arrival of the semarang group so i'll be out of the office, thurs-sat semarang grp going up KL, last min order to go up with them. sun-weds church camp (note:familiarise with games), thurs-fri up to genting and down again, sat is work day. feeling extremely apprehensive about the looming week ahead but i'm sure when it's over, i'll be damn happy with myself. muaha! anyone wants to meet me up there in KL? haha you can bunk in with me but settle your own transport please. =P

oops! tim came into the office already. i shall start freecelling instead of typing vigorously into on the keyboard. clicking is less conspicuous.

ingenue.

2005-11-17T15:12:00.000+08:00

after brooding for days over my work stuff, it suddenly hit me one day that doctors are the most stressed out pple in the world. while my work mistakes will just result in lost of trust or money, doctors actually can't afford to make mistakes at all cos it small errors can result in lives being lost. i guess everyone will face problems at work, stress and deadlines, pressure from all around but ultimately it is up to ourselves to not be a weakling and deal with what is given to us. i shall strive to not be a weakling.

finally caught goblet of fire last night at jp with lydia and co. the effects are amazing and captivating, moments where scenes are so incredible it took my breathe away. but sad to say, they butchered the book. =( the quidditch world cup (fyi: ireland won but krum got the snitch), the triwizard tournament (obstacles in the maze not shown), the house elves (SPEW? dobby? winky?), etc etc. throughout the whole movie i was subconsciously remembering scenes from the book and trying to fit it into the movie. its quite sad to see the story being rushed through without much details given. felt disappointed but still, i dont regret watching it cos afterall, it IS harry potter! i am i fan! =D

last night got me thinking alot abt keeping the pple around me closer. to have friends drift away from you and thinking it is inevitable is such a sad fact and sometimes i really wish it wouldn't end this way. but more often than not, we don't get what we want. the news really caught me off guard cos i did not expect it at all (i think i can speak for the general population) and it really saddens me to think that you're not gonna be ard so often anymore. i guess my pessimistic outlook serves to protect myself by expecting the worse so when something better happens, its an additional bonus. i guess technology will always be the bridge connecting the 2 points. ohwell, you said you have somehow made a decision already, we'll hear it soon? =)

so while digesting shocking news last night, i was also talking to tiger abt enigma. prolly its becos i'm already in a bad mood or something but i got really pissed with him tho technically he didn't do anything wrong. but somehow it just upsets me to see him unknowingly doing this to her and be all ignorant about it. argh! you! you and your group of friends! hmmph! i'm just being one-sided on this but as of this moment, i don't like you. it's so like you to be insensitive to other pple's feelings. bleah. i know its not a fair statement but right now, i just cannot make myself think nice things about you. selfish beeyotch i know but you are so irritating it actually makes me sick. she's too good for you anyway. pah!

p/s: i just need to vent. i apologise if it sounded vicious.

been watching alot of Scrubs lately and this is by far, my favourite statement by elliot:

"I was planning on coming here and telling you that you'll always come first. But, the truth is that's not a promise I can keep. But the one thing I can guarantee you is that, when it's my decision, I'll always choose you."

right now, this applies to my closest chummies. no such thing as drifting. period. =)

it's all random.

2005-11-10T12:12:00.000+08:00

this morning, i woke up and:

1) i have no memory of switching off my alarm and going back to slp.
2) my mom had to wake me up at 7.40am thinking i'm too sick to go work.
3) i realised my throat is not hurting and i don't feel feverish or dizzy anymore.
4) i realised i dreamt of reverend see last night. i was asking him whether can i bring my handphone to school. =/ in my dreams, i was still in secondary school and i was contemplating pon-ing school.
) i woke up with a bloody nose. shocked my mom until she realise the blood is from the pimple that burst overnight. (eww..=/)

right now, i'm:

1) bothered by kids between the age of 2-5yrs.
2) bothered by the 2 maids sitting outside my office talking very loudly.
3) realising my nose is now bleeding from the inside from the constantly rubbing and nose blowing. (eww..=/)
4) not hungry.
5) lazy to refill my waterbottle tho i know i need lots of fluid.

remembered something that made me laugh:

one fine saturday afternoon before yf, we were just sitting around waiting for something to happen when the topic of letter writing was brought up. apparently someone commented that hunky's letter to the bethany home incharge should be more personal or possibly intimate cos of the many scandalous tales that revolves ard hunky. anyway, so we were trading stories of letter writing to suppliers and such when jianmin hit us with the winning story:

--> on one occasion he had to fax a letter requesting goods from his supplier. i do not remember the name of the supplier but i shall call her nancy. and so, the letter started with "Dear Nancy, blahblahblahblahblah." BUT! at this moment he realised that he spelt Nancy wrongly! so he blanco off the name Nancy, meaning to spell it right. so he continued writing the fax, write write write..".....Best Regards, Jianmin"...and he faxed it. it was until much later when he realised that he did not rewrite the name. and so, Nancy from the otherside saw the fax as "Dear, blahblahblahblah." muahaha! talk about intimate faxes man!! i'm sure Nancy was highly amused by the fax when she called jianmin and asked him to send it again with her name written on it.

so there, random thoughts at 11.45am on a thursday morning. (thursday?! its thursday already?!)

mr postman.

2005-11-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

last week started off great with tons of fun at kusu island, 3 day work week..actually looked forward to lots of rest, great company and prolly some sort of solitude. but that didn't happen. rather, the alternate rest days kinda changed my body clock one way or another. it really sucks to keep waking up and wondering whether is it sunday or monday. well, the week did not go well for me. so many things happened in such a short span of time that i didn't even have time to breathe before i'm hit by another wave. when friday came, as well as the last blow, i thought i was gonna collapse. i have not felt that much weight in my heart for a long long time already. it was literally choking me, sucking all positive feelings out from me (now i know how it feels like to be demented. haha =p) and i really had the urge to inflict pain on myself just to see if i can feel anymore pain. choir time was somehow spent in a daze with thoughts racing through my head without stopping to digest them. everything was just touch and go, touch and go. =/

but on the brighter side of things, it's only on friday that i fully realise how sweet doreen really is! just an encouraging squeeze on the arms and a smile, somehow it says alot and yet so subtle. yijun's silent company, eulyn's self mockery to make me laugh, lydia's lame yet heartwarming msgs, ian's concern, donny's hello panda. such good friends! what more can anyone ask for right? =)

i really hope this week will be a better week ahead. having interval attacks of hives on my body, making me itch like hell and yet i'm not allowed to scratch them!! grr. speaking of such, wei tsin has dengue! cannot even start to imagine how that feels like. heard that she's still quite weak but at least she's eating already. poor girl. according to kaka, dengue patients have to draw blood everyday for testing, which means they'll poke you everyday la! as much as i pride myself on not feeling pain the last time i drew blood, i dowan to go through that everyday la. but i'll always remember the words of fweak "i like the pain man." fweak indeed. hahaa =p well! pray that wei tsin gets better! she's at the 'hotel' gleneagles right now and lemme tell you, if i can stay there i think i'll recover twice as fast man! which reminds me that i've never been there before. hmm. maybe i should go down one day and take a look =D

on a closing note, lemme share with you something i found out over the weekend about the 2 itp students:

weixin: next time i want my daughter to learn ballet and my son to learn piano! ok nothing weird about that.
melvin: i want my kids to have tuition everyday. learn more math and science not good meh? this guy is obviously out of his mind. poor kids.

il mondo.

2005-10-31T20:05:00.000+08:00

the past weekend left me puzzled, trying to figure out what exactly is happening. kinda think maybe its me thinking too much, reading too much into his actions. but i really think he is being unusually friendly all of a sudden. it comes as quite a surprised especially after such a long period of mutual silence. the 'where you going' scene 2weeks ago that gave me a 2mins minor heart palpitation and a busride full of thoughts was forgotten until now. can't figure out why he's acting the way he is towards the both of us. it's only when i stand at the side and observe that i saw the awkwardness. why is he being antisocial? hmm. weird.

this week will be a great start to november cos of the 2 public holidays! i'll only have to work for monday (which have already passed), weds and friday! its a no-work saturday this week but i'll still hafta attend the nus gala dinner for work purpose. bleah. there goes my saturday night man. ah well! tmr is kusu island picnic day! i am excited! tho i'm still a lil disappointed that we had to cancel the malacca trip cos of the mothers, i shall make the best out of it =D i heard that auntie soomei is gonna bring some tasty pie tmr! yay!

lately, i'm finding it hard to string words into proper sentences. i should prolly start eating TCM, make me a lil more alert, awake and hopefully brainier.ha! and i realised that its a danger to put me online when i'm tired, especially after midnight. have the tendency to blurt things out without hesitation and end up with the 'oh shit' feeling. oh crap. dear kind souls, if you happen to see me online after 1am next time and i'm starting to tell you that actually i talk to myself sometimes, please ask me to go to bed. i'm a hazard to myself. =)

an upcoming violent thai movie is screening on the 3rd of november! its actually m18 if i'm not wrong. maybe thats the reason they showed ongbak last night on channel U. it is quite amusing when you see 'M18', lots of fighting and blood when the name of the movie is "tom yam goong". isn't that like soup?! i remember drinking that at thai express la..! so now movie titles actually don't need to have anything to do with the movie genre huh? or its just that having a food name in the title is attractive enough? tom yam goong. hmm. i remember its very nice leh. is it clear but spicy soup? or is it the reddish tom yam? can't really remember. anyway, with tom yam goong paving the way for future movie makers, i'm looking forward to the day where they film 'the curse of the flying siew mai', starring andy lau and tony leung.

uh huh.

2005-10-22T08:36:00.000+08:00

a brand new day. beautiful morning with a cool breeze. the air is fresh and calming to the soul. so why the hell am i awake at 8.38am on a saturday?!?!!? i am sad. i can't get back to slp!! now i feel lost and i don't know what am i suppose to do on a no-work saturday afternoon. sigh. feel like going jogging but my body is weak. somehow i think i'm woken by my growling stomache and subconsciously thinking of what i want to eat for breakfast. told mama last night tt i wanna eat vegetarian beehoon but right now, i feel like eating chicken murtabak..with the beehoon. and tho its early in the morning, the craving for watercress porkrib soup is strong! gosh i feel like an animal. O_o

so last night i was watching "in the womb", this documentary about the growing process of the foetus in the mama's womb, and i felt sad. cos to see the foetus on ultrasound is such a beautiful thing and it connects the parents to the unborn baby. but movies like "the eye 2" just totally spoil this beautiful moment by showing the evil foetus glaring at shuqi during her ultrasound. its so irritating even for pple like me who have NEVER watch that show before but the foetus part made such a deep impression. tsk!

so now i have absolutely nothing on my mind to talk abt. i am awake before 9am on a no-work saturday, i have an unknown rash near my arm, i am hungry and i can't make myself go jogging. think i shall go and brush my teeth.

this is such a nonsense entry.

monday blues.

2005-10-17T10:11:00.000+08:00

10 things i've been accustomed to doing in a normal week:

- going to church.
- mahjong on sunday afternoons.
- watching csi (any csi.).
- chatting/eating/hanging with fweak. (keeps my sanity in check.)
- chatting with ducky. (early return! i am happy!)
- watching scrubs.
- worry and brood.
- laugh/trade insults/attempt to disturb, lydia hong.
- chatting with thomas. (brightens mood. keeps sanity in check.)
- talking to lydia hong. (brightens mood too cos she's mad.)

i don't know how much i can or should rely on other pple to pull me back. i have a tendency to become reliant and from past experience. its not good. have no idea when did all these things become part of my life. but somehow, i'm glad it did.

p/s: 2nd - 9th item does not come in any significant order. =P
_________________________________________________

the past weekend had been a new experience for me altogether. it felt good to be able to sometimes bridge the gap between the jm and the sm. can't seem to fully express what i really feel but it was nice. somehow i think there should be no such thing as a generation gap as long as pple are willing to take the time to understand and communicate. i probably sound naive but this is what i hope to do next time for the community when i graduate. (if i graduate, for that matter)

got to hear brother hong's side of the drama-saga-story during the weekend too. (i know, weird week) felt the ache for him cos no one really deserve to endure that kind of shit. he really impressed me with the way he handled the matter. it's sensible and mature. i think i'm not at that level yet cos i still find it hard to see past the pain. i must really start learning to be magnanimous. in one way or another, i still learn alot from the pple ard me regardless of age. tt's how we grow, right? =)

watching skeleton key on toosday with pple i don't usually watch movie with. i'm actually looking forward to it! haha. i am such a shmuck.

Interesting realisation: My sister finds the camp t-shirt suggestion of "Grace is my boss" highly amusing. Still have absolutely zero idea why people even find her remotely frightening.

spontaneous.

2005-10-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

one day's off. 3hrs spent in the hospital. enough paracetemol to turn me into a drug addict or prolly kill me. 7packets x 7pieces of medicated plaster to share between my family. did not get the x-ray, did not get a firm clue about what the hell is wrong with my neck. i guess i should start popping pills, stop drinking cold water and do more neck exercise. could someone pls remind me regularly to do the above stated? sigh.

rest of the day was spent with shihui zipping from place to place. went up to nus biz blk after my appt to wait for her and left for sentosa after tt. dinner at S.E.A village was great! chomp down lots of bread, prawns and vege in tomyam soup. things were great until the huge group of tourists came and surround us, screaming across the table and blocking the beautiful view. thank goodness we started dinner early and left not long after the tourists came.

thought we could chill at km8 after dinner but only stayed for 15mins tops. went down to the airport instead cos both of us just wanted to people watch at the departure hall. turns out theres a HUGE group of japanese college students departing today so we spent a good half an hour standing ard, looking at them and occasionally waving goodbye. hmm. i should prolly pick up a new language. =/ sorry that's totally random. it felt soothing to be able to sit at the viewing gallery, speaking our minds, enjoying the company. switched location to east coast park after tt just cos we felt like it. i love it when things are spontaneous! y'noe sometimes there's really no need to have a reason to do things sometimes, the point is to capture the moment and make the best out of it! suddenly i feel out of steam. i should prolly stop talking right now. gdnite kids

i'm online. just not online. -shrugs- it didn't ring afterall.

rants.ramblings n whatnots.

2005-10-12T20:16:00.000+08:00

quidam. decided to skip it afterall. woke up this morning and all of a sudden, just don't feel like going anymore. prolly cos i was distracted by the pain raging my neck. finally got my butt down to making that hospital appt (thankew ian) after putting it off for the past few days. it was only when i put down the phone that i realised the appt is infact tmr. O.o oh well, at least i got 1-day off from work! i am happy!

i miss ducky. how i wish you're back in sg right now so i could have someone to eat la mian and go shopping with me today. =/ but i'm happy to hear positive news from you today! remember i got evidence of our conversation k! pompous shmucks like some are meant to be abandoned and burnt at stake in medieval times but we shall skip that all together and carry on with our lives.

left the office fighting the urge to make my way down to great world city. the only thing that stopped me was the realization that i have absolutely zero idea how to get there. =/ should prolly ask mom later and hopefully the old-navy-lookalike shop is still there or my purpose will be totally defeated. but speaking of buying stuff, fond hugs at novena is having a sale! and guess vhat? the dress tt i vanted to buy 4months ago is selling at $19!! it was $49 back then!! i'm so glad i din buy the dress back then if not i'd kick myself and prolly start bawling. of course i bought the dress. i should prolly lose some weight and tone some muscles to fit the dress but tt can be done!

list of things i realised today:
- cupboards in the office have cockroaches too.
- trying to catch the west-bound train at cityhall does not guarantee a seat.
- fond hugs is extremely overpriced.
- my hair grows too fast. it will actually be ok if i have natural silky straight hair growing out of healthy pores that regenerates more natural silky straight hair but the fact is tt i don't. it's sad. now i have to cut my hair again. the only other person i know with superhuman hairgrowth power is thomas. i wonder when was the last time he combed his hair. hmm.
- you can change/cancel/make nuh appts online.
- i haven't buy my harrypotter:PoA vcd yet.
- i miss ducky.

while having dinner today, a lizard decided to scramble out from behind the fridge to scare the living daylights out of me. my immediate reaction? i jumped out of my seat, stumbled over my maid and fell onto the floor. my sister din know what it was but jumped up anyway cos there can be only two reasons to render such a reaction from me:
1) theres a lizard. (clearly)
2) theres a cockroach.
3) theres a beetle.

ok fine thats 3reasons but i consider beetles to be as revolting as cockroaches so i'm listing it anyway. plus, i haven't seen a cockroach in the hse as long as i remembered. not that i need them anyway. i have enough cockroaches in the office to form a small office by themselves. don't they get the hint when all their brothers turn up dead? anyhoo, dinner was paused for 3mins while my dad went chasing for the lizard. it was only when it went flying out of the window tt we resumed our dinner.

shall go watch earthquake documentary on discovery now. later kids.

running thoughts.

2005-10-10T12:37:00.000+08:00

dreamt of him last night. in my dreams we were just sitting on the floor, next to each other, chatting leisurely with no traces of awkwardness. it was amicable, natural and above all, nice =) its been a long long time since he appeared already and tho there's an odd familiarity to it, i'm actually glad tt my dreams have moved on as well. heh. *all smiles*

lunched with lydia and co yday after church before our sunday afternoon indulgence and it was fun! fun to talk about things in sec sch now compared to days i remembered, primary sch days, funny things we did when we're young, weird things we believed as kids. cute primary sch picture etched in my head. having teh and duckrice together. i can only say, i really really like my life now. guess i need to find fulfilment in my current life now before i start thinking of other commitments and obligations. =/

weekends always seem so short when sunday night comes. cannot remember when did i start dreading mondays or to have sunday night blues. sigh. well, on the brighter side of things, sunday afternoon mahjong have somehow become our weekly routine already. it's like a time for us to let our hair down, be all crazy, trade insults, laugh out loud, snort out loud, whatever unglam behaviour you can think of, you will see it at the hongs on sunday. kenny will be shouted at for being slow, hong mama will be sitting at the side trying to help kenny out while laughing her face red, eugene will be studying in the room singing loudly to himself, i'll be doing short bursts of crazy at everyone, lydia will be singing weird songs, ruth'll keep asking us to hurry up while naggin at me for not giving her the tiles she need, my sister'll laugh and say "hurry up la!" in her most 'grace' voice. overnight, eugene and i (and possibly my sister) have become sunday siblings and he stunned us all by saying "havent past 12am, i'm still a hong."

the horrible neckache is back again. =/ having constant headache now which doesn't go away with medication. sigh. need to remind myself to call nuh up to get an appt and hopefully an xray as well. this sucks man. ouch.

Useless fact of the day: When you eat too much, your hearing becomes less sharp.

100th post.

2005-10-04T10:02:00.000+08:00

it's over. though in my mind i know it's inevitable, i didn't expect it to happen so soon. tho it wasn't long ago when she reassured me that things are going on great, and that he is putting in effort, things have somehow gone down the hill and ended before i could even be less skeptical of this whole thing. didn't know what to say when i heard, didn't know how to react without being insensitive. felt let-down? felt upset? a little of each mixed with numbness. i'm so sorry dear that i can't be more supportive or encouraging. =/ i hope you will be able to find closure from all this and focus on better things ahead. *pat pat* i'll be co-president with you =) we can go travelling for months without any holdbacks, replace romantic movies with disaster genre and drink milkshakes at the heeren billy bombers where you had your classic moment of shouting 'oei' at the waiter for dropping your card! ^o^

___________________________________________________

anyhoo, compared to last week, i feel like i'm having a vacation this week. no rushing of time, no constant phonecalls, no need to wear heels and walk around all day resulting in soles feeling like they were on fire, no need! its back to 9.30am-6pm workweek for me to find some social life! i can tell you it did not start well with my monday night spent infront of the tv watching debate on channel06 and eventually ended with 'the mysterious death of cleopatra' on discovery. evidence pointed out that cleopatra did not actually kill herself but rather, octavian orchestrated the murder cos cleopatra's son caesarion fathered by caesar will compete for the throne with him. history is indeed fascinating and i do hope one day i will be able to travel to egypt or rome and feast my eyes on the beauty of the past. any takers? =D

well, hope to get a pair of nice beach shorts today while shopping for mama's present. lucky we have something in mind to buy cos the birthday is tomorrow!! don't even think we have the time for a meal together =/ oh well, it's the thought that counts right? supposed to watch brothers grimm with ian today but ended up psk-ing him. wahaha! =p kinda had a premonition that something like that will happen already. at least i warned you right? muaha! i still wanna catch that show leh, reschedule next week if it's still showing!

Useless fact of the day: A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death. (that's disgusting)

thou shalt not steal.

2005-09-28T11:05:00.000+08:00

the mba students are in town and its another week of following them around, answering loads and loads of question (some irrelevant and repetitive) and i can hereby declare one thing that bothers me so much it's actually ripping my brains apart: I hate people who are late! it wouldn't be so bad if they have the decency to apologise for wasting my time standing around and waiting for them to appear but they just STRUT in and be all "ok we can go now". argh! i scorn unapologetic late-comers as much as the bicycles on main road. these pple just spell HAZARD in big capital letters and they don't seem to mind big trucks trudging on slowly behind them and causing traffic disruption.

anyway, back to the scorning of late-comers part: why can't pple be on time?? i mean it is perfectly OK to be late once in a while because of valid reasons but to be late ALL THE TIME?! what's with that?? i think it is basic courtesy to think of the pple who are waiting for you and the fact that you are wasting their valuable time hanging ard, standing on one feet and feelin stupid. these mba students obviously do not seem to care that they are thieves, stealing my time and patience. and the unbelievable thing is, even though i've expressively told them that they are already running late, they still stand around and continue taking pictures! O_O i have to resort to the crazy flailing of hands and bulging eyes to tell them that they have to move on and stop being all narcissistic. i'm sure when God said "Thou shalt not steal", He also meant it towards time-snatchers. so the next time you think it's ok to be late, think of the 8th commandment please.
____________________________________________________

after a whole day of walking around in heels yday, it's a great feeling to be in the office, resting my sore feet and basically..just resting. was feeling awfully dreadful yday but managed to meet up with sh at holland v for dinner. felt so much better after meeting her that i woke up feeling good! maybe the other reason is that i know i wouldn't have to face the group of thieves today that made the dread go away but what the hell. it is really good to start the day with great breakfast and daddy bought this char siew soh & pineapple tart from bukit timah that is absolutely wudiastic!!(wudi+fantastic) felt so much more on top of things today and things just seemed to fall into place nicely today with no major cock-ups and lots of great news! it is a good day today! =)

p/s: i just read from theanimals that my sister actually drank FOUR coconuts for her sorethroat! WAH LAU you got lao sai ornot?! why you never leave any for me???? basket.

Useless fact of the day: I am on my 2nd wordsearch book already!

exhausted.

2005-09-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

it's frustrating when you see pple you love throw themselves into deep shit time and time again even when they know that one day it will explode in their face and they get hurt. esp when they have been there and done that, get hurt, regret and yet again do it to themselves. i have no idea what to do neither can i make myself respect their decision cos i know it is not gonna work out and its pointless to hope for a miracle to happen. i do not deny that in the near future, after giving him some time to really get over it, it is possible to carry on and be brand new again. but right now, can't you see that it's not possible?! can't you see that you are being used?! why do you still insist on holding on and not mind being a replacement?

stop thinking of trying to be shan cos you will never be and its ridiculous to wanna make him find shan in you. do you really think you will be happy to just hang on to a tiny string of hope, in a huge shadow of the past and carry on thinking it will work out? please snap out of it..i beg you. i'm not saying this angrily, but rather, in a pleading way to please wake up and look at the picture. i'm so disappointed when i saw that entry, about you beggin him to give it another chance. didn't you say you regret not listening to us? didn't you say you should have seen it coming? then why! why are you still doing this? it hurts me to see you like that. it saddens me that you can't seem to think rationally, hoping that he will turn back and hold your hand. right now, this is all i can say to you. i do not know how exactly to reply to your entries cos it's exhausting. i hope you will clear your head, stop drinking and really sit down and think for yourself. this i can be sure to say: he is not worth your time. he is an irresponsible jackass and i detest him. period.

need a break.

2005-09-19T15:25:00.000+08:00

the weekend mid-autumn festival is finally over, was never a fan of mooncakes myself but i still got to chomp down dirt cheap mooncake as well as expensive hotel ones. never could tell the difference though. saturday was spent leisurely with work in the morning, few hours of reading in solitude at the library and mid-autumn celebration at ta2 in the late afternoon. for once theres an addition to the list of eligible bachelors i've been encouraged to consider. for the moment, instead of cixian aka hunkyjo aka muscleman, we have timothy tay on the list! i have no idea what gave these pple the idea but it amused me nonetheless. -laughs- spent the evening hanging out with the J1 peeps and getting an insight to their gang. it's fun to be able to just sit ard, joke, fight over lanterns, prevent pple from blowing out our candles, askin innocent questions with evil motives..well, just relaxing and enjoying the company. the bottomline: it was a fun-filled night with lots of laughter, surprising discoveries and pomelos.

after less than 12hrs, i was back in ta2 again for sunday service. yiheng pulled a stunner on the service worship team when he accidentally overslept and lester had to cover for him last minute. thou shalt not scare pple anymore, esp early sunday morning where pple are still half awake and weak hearted. scoot off to lucky chinatown after church for a round of ktv-ing with kenny,daniel,sis,yomay and lydia. cixian, ruth and donny were supposed to be our kakis as well but ended up psk-ing us to sing with the mentus at the same location!

forced cixian to sing Tuo Diao as a form of punishment and tho he went along with it and seemed to really enjoy himself, he still tried to regain composure by telling us we all need counselling. haha! so much fun to sit ard on the dirty carpet, eat extremely overpriced chips, drinking ice honey out of vase-cups and singing songs at the top of our voices! tie a yellow ribbon round the ole oak tree...

adjourn after the day's singing to the hong's hse for hong's curry chicken! tho its not salty enough, it still satisfied my month-long craving for nice curry. the relationship we have with the hongs still somehow amazes me considering we have no blood relation yet we can still shameless go to their house and leech on their curry. at the rate we are progressing, we might one day convince ourselves that we are indeed related in a parallel universe. played a few rounds of mahjong after dinner with them laughing at me for my lack of mahjong knowledge and game ethics. we concluded that the curry was drugged cos all 4 of us were saying stupid things, laughing maniacally over lame jokes and rolling all over the floor (actually its just me with the rolling but who's keeping record?).

anyhoo! i managed to win 1 game, 2games for my sister, 2games for ruth (i gave her the winning tile on the first win. roar!!) and zero games for lydia who laughed the loudest at me for my lack of mahjong knowledge. -guffaws- to sum it up--> ktv, gd! dinner, yum! mahjong, wudi fun! so was my weekend good? hell yeah!

Useless fact of the day: I must remember to tell the ba chor mee auntie next time to not put meatballs in my mee. I hate meatballs. period.

you jump i jump.

2005-09-15T10:18:00.000+08:00

last night was quality time spent with me, myself and i. call me a loner but i really have a penchant for spending time by myself, doing things i like and just..not talking. spent a great 3 hours watching for once, a non pirated version of Titanic! saw the dvd on sale and decided to get it since its great to watch it once in a while and i say, i really enjoy the show much better without shadows of human heads bobbing across the screen in between jack saying 'i jump you jump'. and as i've told my sister, i wouldn't mind paying to watch Titanic in the movies again cos it is absolutely kick-arsey good!

following Titanic, went back out to the living room for an hour of horatio caine's sunglasses and impactless threats. ("here's some news for you." *points at suspect* "i'm gonna get u." *puts on sunglasses*) realised that both my mama and i like to make fun of david caruso's on-screen persona cos he is simply hilarious! spent a good hour imitating him, and in the process pissing off my sister (she seem to really like horatio caine. -shrugs-), marvelling at the state of decomposition of the bodies, gasping at the murder methods and boo-ing at the lousy visual effects of a tsunami. it looks extremely fake and horrible that i think the 5seconds of screen time have somewhat spoilt the effect they were going for. =/

anyhoo! i'm on absolute cloud number 9 now cos my leave for dec has been approved! its approved on conditions that i must get things settled before i leave cos its the busy period but its ok! i'll do it! weee! i am not very sure why i'm so eager to go for this year's camp cos it has never happened before. its just this nagging feeling at the back of my head and all i could think of is the camp. gosh i sound neurotic. oh oh! another cause for celebration: i'm on leave next thursday! and i am going to...the ZOO! i'm going to the zoo zoo zoo, how about you you you, will you come too too too? i'm going to the zoo! it's gonna be a touristy day with touristy hats, orbit bagpacks and cameras sling around necks!

so! after the above exciting news and lots of exclamation marks, let me tell you something i discover today! i realised that i enjoy stepping on dry leaves on the streets and hearing them crunch. so if you walk behind me on a sunny day, you might suddenly just see me scoot 3 steps to my right, 5 steps to my left or just simply walk backwards so i can step on the leaves. how fun!

Useless fact of the day: i want a milo van.

hang out.

2005-09-12T16:45:00.000+08:00

after coming back from balai, i realised that it did not impact me as much as the other mission trips i've gone to. things were very smooth sailing, everything went according to plan, no glitchs. the state of living, lack of water, lights, hygiene or even a toilet bowl did not seemed to faze me anymore. comparing to hainan, i would say the pple in hainan are much better off? hmm. well, was talking to shimu yday about how the language barrier was a huge problem and that might be a big hindrance to us if we want to reach out more to the pple. ah well, somehow its always after such trips that we return to singapore appreciating everything we have around us.

oh! on saturday night at the village, we gave out lanterns to the kids and brought them ard the village! it's so pretty to see so many lanterns bobbing in the night with no street lights in sight. but it ended up with the kids leading the way and pple like me lagging at the back trying to avoid muddy puddles and attempting to cross the river on a tree trunk. (yee ler had to help me across due to my lack of balancing skills. =/) but luckily i wasn't the only one! weixin was suppose to be holding on to a kid but halfway got whisk away by someone cos we were walking so slowly. so her mother asked "eh! wheres the kid that you were holding on to?" and weixin replied "duno leh. i think the maid took her away." and the mom just gave the O_O look, burst out laughing and say "what maid! its either the sister or the mother!" i didn't know how to react. i found it kinda hilarious but then again, its like very bad. =/ haa..haiyarr.

anyhoo, enough of balai cos i really have nothing much to say on it. yday was a great day! hang ard in church after lunch to check out the rehearsals for the talentine on sat. had a good time sitting ard, talking to pple and just unwinding. had eugene play canon in D for me again and he is getting really good at it!! the feelings, the emotions, its all there man! think he knows tt i'm gonna ask him to play canon b4 i even asked so he actually started playing "can you feel the love tonight" when i stood at the piano. basket. hahah. well! its always nice to hear beautiful music =)

met up with shihui later in the afternoon. went to the natas fair and got a few brochures as well as check out the deals offered. made our way downstairs after tt to the wedding fair, looking at the beautiful gowns and albums. shihui got approached by the person asking "so when's the big day?" and she just gave the O_O look and said she's just looking ard. so after tt we tried to come up with template responses in case someone asked us again and we changed it from "oh next june =)", to "oh we haven't fixed a date yet". but in the end, we decided to go with "oh..he just proposed..*shy yet excited smile. if can blush, all the better*" HAHA! =p

its such fun to hang out with her. dinner at thaiexpress (yet again! nice food. yum!), dessert at bakerzin (ice chocolate, waffle icecream, 2 small cups of earlgrey with tons of sugar), after lots of talkin, table banging and laughs(pendulum and wings. *guffaws*), i reached home feeling accomplished and exhausted. =D great day. great company. good food. yay!

Useless fact of the day: It's illegal in Alabama to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

random.

2005-09-09T10:53:00.000+08:00

last night while i was intently watching tv and ignoring all presence ard me, my mom suddenly reminded me that i haven't pack my stuff. 'what stuff?' i asked and she had a look of worry on her face spelling "oh my goodness are you turning dementia?". den it dawned onto me that i'm leaving for balai tmr and amidst the worry about not having enough preparation with the stuff needed for the children over there, i promptly forgot that i need clothes to change and stuff to bathe with as well. *makes mental note to pack when i get home* realised that i've been quite forgetful lately. last night i position a stack of papers tt i need to bring out today on top of my watch and thought to myself "when i put on my watch tmr morning, i will remember to bring the papers!" so this morning i decided that i shall wear another watch and promptly forgot abt my wonderful plan.

yday afternoon was spent a mandarin hotel, attending a sydney product training seminar and i have a great urge to fly myself to sydney and drive 2hrs down to hunter valley and retire for the rest of my forgetful life! while i was listening to the introductions, i was mentally visualising myself running across green pastures under the blue blue sky and having cows named moomoo or maggie. but amidst all that fantasy, i remembered that i'm suppose to be at my retiring age so instead of running across pastures, the image changed to me on a walking stick trying hard to walk fast enough across the pastures. ahh..details details! you get the picture =) so after 5 hrs of shivering cold and having tons of beautiful brochures thrown at me, it ended almost an hour early than expected and i made my way down to kino, browsing through books i have no intention to buy.

and while i was going for lunch yesterday, i nearly got hit by a falling tree branch! it wasn't the extremely thick kind that will kill me but i'm sure the impact would have cause considerable damage! thank goodness i took longer strides. but in return for the near death experience, i accidentally rub chilli into my eyes while i was eating. -_-" well! at least i'm still alive! however, the falling branch made me remember something that happened when i was still in primary school. so once upon a time theres this guy from my class who's result wasn't very fantastic. he's what you call the low-profile person, don't talk very much, not the smarty-pants, etc etc. somehow he just melts into the background.

so one fine day, mr low-profile was hanging ard the monkeybar area during recess and he accidentally rolled down the slope and hit his head on the metal grills! so he bled and bled, and cried and cried and had stitches to his head. BUT! subsequently after the fall, he became smart! like top 5 in class smart! everyone was amazed and some even consider trying to fall off the slope and hitting themselve on the magic grills, some just walked down the slope and hit their head repeatedly on the magic grills but it did not work! so up till now, after so many years, tho i cannot remember mr low-profile's face and name anymore, this story will continue through the ages. the legend of the magic grill. which brings me back to my falling branch story, i actually secretly wanted the branch to hit me, then maybe i will be less forgetful and turn smarter. ha.

back to reality, ahma seems well enough to discharge already and my guess is that the other patients in the ward are hoping she gets discharged soon too cos apparently she's so noisy during the night pple can't get to slp at all. =/ though i know she will be better off leaving this world and enjoying eternity up there with God, its feels like a sin to think of it that way. its feels like i want her to die. *sigh* don't know what to expect, don't know what to think. ah well.

Useless fact of the day: Oak trees are struck by lightning more than any other tree.

dreams are my reality.

2005-09-05T12:47:00.000+08:00

just a while ago tim passed me a couple of documents and asked me to hand it to his 'er.my wif..my ex..my ex-wi..my wife.' for a moment i actually felt sad that the whole thing fell apart for them tho they sound like great friends whenever they are on the phone. how do i tell? "hahaha you are like ah long! even ah long don't charge so high interest right?! ya la ya la bye la bye la". so, how do i tell? hmm. i guess all that thinking kinda screw up my vision cos the wife called again and asked me to double check the documents to make sure they are all there and she asked "is my maid's passport there?" and i said "no..tim's passport is here tho" until i realised the passport is indeed the maid's and that upside down, she looks like my boss. and i actually said it out loud to the wife. mistakes mistakes.

so while i was out buying lunch, i saw this old man sitting on the steps of the overhead bridge staring out to the huge mother mary portrait displaying in the novena church. and when i came back after buyin my stuff, he asked if i could give him 2bucks for lunch. and i did what i always do, i walked away. but this time it was different! i actually felt bad and in the short distance between the overhead bridge and my office, i walked back and forth back and forth back and forth abt 3 times, wondering whether should i give him the money? or buy food for him? or give my rice to him? so there i was fighting with myself and just as i was gonna go and give him the money/or my rice, this man stopped and gave the old man money. and i saw the old man tucked it away in his pocket but continued sitting there.

so now, here i am eating kitkat chunky, still pondering over the overhead-bridge-old-man and wondering what's the right thing to do.

jumbled thoughts.

2005-08-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

this week was a rollercoaster ride for me. was hit by a sudden memory on monday which totally caught me off guard and the pain i felt was actually physical, threatening to break me down and all i wanted to do was to crawl to a corner and cry. ended up running to agape again, seeking help from a.sharon and she did manage to calm me down eventually, restoring and getting my old self back. sometimes i really wonder what will be of me if she wasn't there..who will i go to? the amount of gratitude i feel cannot be measured at all cos i owe her so much.

even though throughout the whole week i was still feeling disturbed, but at least i managed to get some stuff off my mind, stuff which have been bothering me for months and years. i cannot believe that it is only now when i've wasted 19years of my life that i really start to appreciate the friends i have. how many have i lost throughout the years? to be so stupid as to feel that friends will always be there whether you bother to hang on to them ornot. it is true that they will be there, but effort must be made in order to cultivate deeper and stronger relationships with them, and to know that the person who will eventually be making a toast at your wedding will be someone who truly understands you.

heard alot of stuff that surprised and stunned me this week too. i am repulsed when here you are telling him you are not ready for a relationship and the next moment you are saying 'yes' to someone else. how insensitive can you get? how can you hurt his feelings this way? do you not feel his pain? it is disappointing to see pple taking feelings for granted and stepping all over them. sigh.

on a brighter note, a great friend of mine is praying hard for an ans. and i'm glad that he has finally found someone who shares the same weird habits with him, and to even go to the extend of wanting to share his most important responsibility. it is heartwarming to see two pple praying for God's will in their relationship and to give serious consideration instead of just jumping into one without thinking.

i shall pray for patience, wisdom and a clear mind so i can listen to what He has to say instead of what my heart is saying. i hope i don't end up doing something i will condemn myself for. arhhh.

unable to comprehend.

2005-08-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

i don't get some pple. when they come to you ranting about something that is bothering them and somehow expect you to say something to encourage or comfort them. but somehow, telling them to take it slow also cannot, sympathize with them also cannot, this cannot that cannot then what you expect us to say?? why don't you just TELL us what you expect us to tell you so that you can feel better? if we do not offer any of the above and just reply "uh ok." i bet you'll be pissed too. ridiculous.

if you don't want to hear such words from us, please! by all means, talk to the wall since it will prolly not make you feel more bothered than you already were.

be strong and take courage.

2005-08-20T11:25:00.000+08:00

heard something last night which kinda discouraged me alot concerning my upcoming studies. and it was only then did i realise that i'm quite a weakling, choosing to dwell and focus on my short-comings instead of striving for some sort of victory. but after spilling out my fears to jireh, he sorta gave me loads of encouragement by telling me a long story. [yeah it was quite long, but no you did not cut into my slping time :)] so thankful to have someone hear me out and to offer kind words. and last night's QT talked about relying on God in times of trouble. and that we should not be discouraged by words of men becos in His eyes, nothing is impossible! since He had already put me into the course, He definitely has His will in it and i should rely on His wisdom instead of my own. thank You Lord for the angels sent to me :)

was just talkin to shihui yday abt how women are such mystical creatures. choosing to believe fervently that love will bestow upon them one day without realising that trust and faith holds such great importance. the fall of women is our inability to give full trust becos somehow, we will create an invisible barrier infront of us, holding back and trying to protect ourselves, thinking that everyone is out to hurt us somehow. words and actions just can't seemed to satisfy our need for affection becos someone out there will be getting something better then us. then we'll compare. and we'll doubt.

men are such misunderstood creatures! just becos they do not have the telephatic ability to sense our every need, we take that as their lack of concern for our unspoken desires. even if they have already done all they could, somehow after a full moon it will all be forgotten while short-comings will forever be remembered for the next ten thousand arguments. so now even while i'm typing this, nailing all my flaws to the wall, i can't help but think "oh my gosh i'm so unloveable". damn the female hormones. i should prolly grow a beard to balance it off.

women are mystical creatures? pah! psycho-paranoids more like it.

question mark.

2005-08-19T15:12:00.000+08:00

since yesterday, tim have been bugging me to call sports sch to ask if the cheque for visa application is ready for collection. so he asked me to call them yday morning. i called. the cheque is apparently not ready yet. and before i left work i called again and got the answering machine. so early this morning when he came in, the first thing he asked me to do is to call sports sch. i called. and the person said the cheque will be ready for collection today. *heaves sigh of relief* so after lunch the person who prolly thinks i'm damn irritating, called and informed me the cheque is ready for collection. the following happened:

joyce: hey sports sch cheque can collect liao.
tim: oh can ah? but woodlands very far leh. can collect tmr ornot?
joyce: ...... tmr sat la. sch close.
tim: oh ya hor. i think i go down on monday la.
joyce: you ask me to call them 10 times since yesterday and you tell me now you collect on monday?! i bet they will hate us la. *incredulous* (%$%()#*$)%*%^**!!!!!!)
tim: ok la ok la..i try to go down today.

basket.

oh ho.

2005-08-18T11:56:00.000+08:00

once upon a time, a sua ku by the name of joyce toh attempted to email the marketing manager of suntec city to request for an educational tour for indonesian students. since the email add is jolee@sunteccity.com.sg, sua ku naturally assume that jolee is the name of the marketing manager. so addressing the email to "Dear Ms Jolee, blablabla", sua ku happily click Send.

its is only when the return receipt for the mail came back to her that she realised that the marketing manager's name is Ms Josephine Lee.

oh crap.

cogs unwinding.

2005-08-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

daniel just told me that he found my ahma's appointment card in the sims2 game that i borrowed from him a few months ago. how amusing is that man! ha! maybe yija stuffed it into the box while putting stuff away from sight bah. hmm.

been blog reading for the past few days cos i've exhausted all news headlines on channelnewsasia and supermarket tabloids on yahoonews. stumbled upon a few familiar peeps' blogs and i say, they are highly amusing and interesting. hohoho. i have found more things to read and kill time already. i am happy. plus i managed to catch an episode of Ed last night! that show always reminds me of ivan cos we use to catch the show together. and becos of the scary resemblance between Ed and ivan. but he don't have to know that. :p as usual, the show is hilarious but its not a comedy to start with. its those ally mcbeal kinda funny with quirky dialogue and hilarious facial expressions. ed is just so cool la even tho he's a dork. see! nerds can be cool. just that its not a hair flinging, eye spasm winking and "how you doin" kinda cool. i prefer nerdy cool actually. at least i know he is not in love with himself. *cough cough*

anyways, the jcu person called me yday and gave me great news! i've been accepted! yay! hooray for me! i'll be starting sch next march so i still have the next few months to work and be independent! tho i'll prolly be cursing myself for going through the agony of studenthood in the near future, i shall still be happy that i'm gonna study something new. :)

------------------------------------------------------
dear daph, i know i'm not there to understand what u are going through and i bet you are feeling the headache as well. i'm sorry if i sounded harsh yesterday and made you upset. its just that i'm really worried for you la and i don't want your efforts to rebound and hurt you. i know its all out of concern and worry but please please worry for yourself first and leave the subject to fend for itself for the time being. sigh. i don't know what to say already. my phone is always on. call me k.

Useless fact of the day: People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier errors worldwide.

oyster pancake no oyster please.

2005-08-15T17:54:00.000+08:00

yesterday was quite a busy day considering we had choir exchange in morning, 80th building anniversary in the afternoon and dinner at night. spent the day running between TA and TA2. everything yesterday seemed to be in fff mode and no one seemed to wanna mellow down to mf or something. was sitting around 3rd floor TA talkin to lydia, elena and serena and realised that having a conversation with them after lunch is quite a bad idea. think their chee cheong fun is drugged or something cos they were in extreme high mode. laughing and squealing at everything. at first their laughter was kinda contagious until my ears started ringing. its a miracle eugene, songen, yomay and yiheng managed to sleep through the racket. haha.

all in all, long story short, the service was kinda long, communion was a new experience all together, all choirs sang very well and i dozed off at some point during the service. *sheepish* oh. and the dinner was horrible. the caterer is called hocklai and i think the food is worse then ahpeng tho the cold dish looks just like the past 10 cold dish that we have eaten before. the fact that they had orh nee couldn't even salvage the horrible food situation. and if hocklai is a branch out from ahpeng, then the food quality is like 3/10 la. i give them a 3 cos at least they gave us orh nee and that the waitress (looks like a man in a skirt wearing black bra. its scary.) comes around to our table every 5 mins to add ice to our already diluted water.

since i'm too lazy to phrase the things i wanna say into proper sentences, i shall make them in point form so at least you get the gist of it and you don't hafta read through my nonsense to get the point:

1) i met a pervert at my void deck on friday night. he was standing at a lil dark corner doing something sick. he was staring at me. i ran. he didn't chase. phew.

2) i'm going for the sept balai island mission trip. quite looking forward to it.

3) i'm considering going hainan island mission trip next yr again. hopefully i will have the money and time to go. hopefully this time i wouldn't get knocked down again.

4) in future during my wedding dinner, i want to have orh nee as the dessert. if you are invited, you will be eating fantastic orh nee while listening to the Righteous Brothers croon Unchained Melody in repeat mode.

5) i don't wanna have a wedding banquet. so i have no idea where will the orh nee as dessert will come in.

Useless fact of the day: According to the Population Council, people overwhelmingly tend to marry partners who live near them.

the men don't get it.

2005-08-12T13:58:00.000+08:00

*phone rings in office*

timothy: joyce please open the back door barrier for me.
joyce: ok *takes remote and walks out the back door*

*barrier lifted, joyce went back to the office and found a cockroach on the door hinge. immediately runs into the office and locks the door.*

timothy: *knocks on door*
joyce: *opens the door* just now got cockroach on the door so i locked it.
timothy: *incredulous look* cockroaches can open door meh??
joyce: *stumped* .....its a reflex action la.

The men just don't get it.

meaningless talk.

2005-08-10T14:25:00.000+08:00

didn't expect to spend the whole of national day holiday at home but i did eventually cos i had no where to go and the weather was too hot to go out. ended up watching all 8 discs of Emergency Room 24hrs, crying at every episode and wasting tissue paper. it was only when i went online that i realised everyone seemed to be at home as well! gosh do we not want to go out anymore?? that's a very morbid thought.

anyways, caught up with lydia last night online and we chatted till she got disconnected. she never fails to make me laugh even if its something extremely lame. ah well, last night was more of an 'unloading' chat and i got tons of things off my chest. i shall be forever thankful to have an unrelated cousin like her so she can listen to my crazy ramblings.

daphne seems to be facing some social problem over there in aussie. hmm. at times like these, Ms Tan, don't you just miss having me around?? heee! don't think too much and just do whatever you feel is right k! you can't and wun be able to please everyone anyway.

oh! was at long john silver buying lunch just now when i witness a very spastic yet familiar scene. the guy (young) behind the counter is picking a fight with the customer (also young) and their taunting argument sounded something like this:

customer: *pissed off face* come la come la come la come la! (repeat 20 times)
counter guy: *pissed off face as well* you go out you watch out you go out you watch out (also repeat 20 times)
customer: *to the senior counter person* i want to see your manager *turns to counter guy* come la come la!
counter guy: you don't come and act big infront of your girl!
*the gf meanwhile looked extremely embarressed*
counter manager: *to counter guy* shut up! go in and shut up! *attempts to pull counter guy away from customer and nearly broke his neck*
*counter guy meanwhile goes into the kitchen and slams the door so loudly i think anyone within 20miles can hear him*
*oh yes. not to forget that the counter manager has an extremely loud voice! she was standing beside me while screaming at the counter guy i could feel my ear drums vibrate!*

so when i finally left ljs, the pissed off customer did not touch his food but was on the phone with a murderous look. he is either calling for backup or looking for the cheapest supplier for parangs.
ladies and gentlemen (esp yuhua sec peeps), doesn't this bring back wonderful memories of our secondary sch lives? and during recess if a fight is to breakout, you will see meepok bowls flying around, littering the floor with auntie's famous laksa. whenever we walk out of the sch gate, there will be tons of hooligans standing outside waiting for the juvenile hooligans to finish sch. if you are observant enough you might see Mr Loh standing out there with the hooligans as well! on first look you might think he is there to ensure nothing erupts but on second thought, who can say he's not conspiring with them? ah. the precious memories of secondary school.

Useless fact of the day: I don't like meepok. I like meekia.

cloud number nine.

2005-08-05T15:50:00.000+08:00

i'm back from bangkok!! sad to say i only fulfilled my shopping dream and succeeded in walking till my ankle feels twisted, very bad backache and constant pain on my neck causing headache. but its still a great trip with great shopping kakis! did not get to eat 6-meals a day cos we could hardly find so many things to eat actually..aww. but a cup of hot chocolate a day from Black Canyon Coffee is good enough! not to forget somboon seafood, mr donut (5donuts for $2.50!!), suanlum night bazaar (fantastic place!!) and not to forget, pratunam wholesale market! noticed that i never mention chatuchak weekend market? becos that place is not good at all! sure there's alot of things to buy over there but they are so not interested in asians! they don't even wanna bargain with you becos they know the caucasians offer them a better price. ah well. there are better places to shop anyways.

oh! and ruoyun said she saw me at bangkok! and we were actually staying in the same hotel without realising or bumping into each other! unbelievable man! bangkok IS the next malaysia! even better i would say..food is so much cheaper and nicer, so many things to buy! i would gladly just go over there and stock up on my toiletries cos most of them are like half price compared to sg. all in all, its a great trip and i will be posting pictures up soon!

highlight of the day! i passed my driving!! i'm now a qualified driver with a proper license! a close shave with 18pnts! its a miracle and a blessing man! my whole heart dropped when i got route 8 aka the teckwhye route! but thankfully i managed to skip route 6!! muahaha! the morning lesson before my test was quite a disaster with me driving like an idiot and forgetting simple things. i'm sure if my instructor is still that Lai, i would not have come this far. thank God that i passed and i can start learning something new now! what would it be? salsa? latin? italian? cooking? hmm.

USeless fact of the day: I have no useless fact for you today. i'm smiling so much my cheek aches. =D

feng shui.

2005-07-24T22:15:00.000+08:00

just when i thought my klutzy-ness is a thing of the past, i've succeeded in injuring myself 3 times in quick succession today. i actually rammed my hips (RAMMED ladies and gentlemen, not knocked) against the staircase railing while rushing down the stairs today. kenny was actually there to witness my moment of pain and instead of asking me whether am i ok, he burst out laughing. what a very kenny-move. =/ then when i got home, i scratched myself while i was changing. with nails that i've just trimmed!! wth was that man?! so right now there's a red patch on my right knee which makes it hard to cross my legs..damn. so since i've rammed my hip, scratched my leg, i completed the package by knocking my left elbow against the sink while showering causing a small bump and impairing my ability to stretch the left arm now. wonderful.
anyway, i realise that my blog is so not interesting. which somehow reflects my life doesn't it? the other day i actually wanted to blog, but i couldn't even churn one sentence cos there's absolutely nothing to jot down at all.

ah well, kenny just pointed out that most of the pple we hang out after church before are all attached already. that leaves the single pple to hang out with james pan. and i heard tat a few of the older jmyf-ers are also pairing up and that leaves quite a few lonely pple out there as well. *shrugs* ah well..i guess it was gonna happen anyway, just how we take them into our stride. it occurred to me that this might also be how friends actually drift away from each other cos they simply do not have the time to share anymore. i made the mistake once, i shall not do that the next time.

i've realised that the ahmad living directly below me aspires to be the next taufik batisah. i've the honour to grace his bathroom concert when i went for my shower earlier on. i would have thought its just normal bathroom humming until he started shouting the songs at the top of his voice. judging from his choices of songs, i reckon he will join asia bagus instead.

counting down the days to bangkok! i need a break, i need to eat alot of food and i need to buy alot of unnecessary stuff that i might not even use. but i'm going on a holiday, so shoot me.

--> you like being alone. but you feel better when pple notice that you are alone. personality analysis from the master. that just translate to me as attention seeking. harsh but not untrue. hmm. interesting.

Useless fact of the day: My house has very bad feng shui. When it rains, the feng (wind) doesn't enter but the shui (water) comes flooding in.

test of faith.

2005-07-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

with regards to the previous entry, God has indeed shown me the way once again and tho sacrifices hafta be made along the way, i'm quite prepared to do so. the final leap will be the registration and hopefully i'll be able to make it. i'm aching to share this wonderful experience with all my friends but i guess i shall wait for everything to be settled before rushin into things. *smiles*

somehow or rather, i think its God's way of helping me heal by sending yijun to our midst. i am actually surprised at myself for being able to befriend her and to actually come to like her as friend. not to mention her appearance have increased healing process by 80% (gosh she's like a faerie! :p) talking and sharing with her came so easily such that i actually told her my plans for studying and to have God leading me through it all. it was kinda like a comfort to me when she told me abt how she also relied on God's guidance to be able to get into medicine. i think after all that i've been through, i've finally learnt to appreciate people that God planted around me to provide support. i wish there's a way i could show my appreciation for her. hmm.

anyways, pple these days seemed to be in quite a foul mood most of the time. don't think i can actually offer help without getting my head bitten off. i must learn the valuable lesson of minding my own business cos the so-called 'help' might actually backfire and end up having to clean up the mess after that. tsk. they should have a guidebook on "matters you should or should not get your asses in" for pple like me. in view of meeting lotsa foul mood pple these days, i shall learn to keep my lousy temper to myself without having to inflict it on the innocents who are actually having a good day.

Useless fact of the day: Ostriches are often not taken seriously. They can run faster than horses, and the males can roar like lions.

frustrated.

2005-07-14T10:46:00.000+08:00

i feel that for once, i've found where my interest lies. to know people, to understand the way people think, to be able to relate to them and hopefully able to provide help to them. for once, i know what i want to do. but somehow, just seconds when i feel that i'm nearer to my goal and that my prayers are answered, i'm being pulled back to reality cos financial wise i'm just not able to afford it. but i feel the urge at the back of my mind, to work harder so i could eventually attain my goal.

part-time? full-time? i really wonder if i should take the former so i could work and study at the same time..but that will definitely not do for me cos it will take all my concentration away. what abt the latter? should i even think of throwing the burden onto my parents? make them carry the weight of my education? i don't know. but i've been praying and hoping for a sign to be shown to me, and for the past few days, everywhere i look i see signs that tell me i should not further in courses i have no interest in, but rather to pursue an education that is meaningful to me. life is too short to waste it on wrong and rash decisions.

i would be lying if i said i don't feel a upset that i'm the younger one. and that thoughts of resentment doesn't come to me cos the funds are already used up. is that the way its gonna be? only one will pull through and the o ther one left behind? its so frustrating. somehow i feel that God is telling me something, is showing me a sign, the sign that i was looking for! He is telling me what i really want to achieve in life, but it will come with trials and tribulations. is that the sign you wanna show me? i can't be sure. is that it?

*you might not remember or know what you did, but you did it alright :)

if You would just make a way for me, let me be able to find a way to do this, i PROMISE i will work hard.

walking on air.

2005-07-08T13:00:00.000+08:00

really feel like blogging but i seemed to have lost all phrasing ability. currently feeling kinda happy, kinda nostalgic, a lil' confuse, tons of sentiments.

it scares me that i don't wake up and think of it anymore. it is being taken over. somehow, the face of the future is once again blurry and i am actually returning to myself. a little more grown up, untying the strings of the past and reaching out for what lies ahead. back then i would never imagine the scar healing and the pain receding, but look at me now! *smiles* there are no actions great enough to show my appreciation for those who had been there, still with me now, and will always continue to be along life's long way.

my dear daphne should be reaching perth by now. its weird that we are great friends cos we don't do the calling thing, we don't even reply each other's sms sometimes, we hardly meet up and she bites me. seemed like the touch n go type isn't it? but miraculously we seemed to be connected by something :) just feel comfortable to blabber to her even tho her reaction is so practical and you feel silly and annoyed after that. haha. we don't actually share the same tastes in stuff (she likes green! yuck! :p) and not much in the beauty department as well (pester me to apply sunblock). still gonna miss her and tho she said she will buy me a gong4 to save money for perth next year and end up no buy for me, i will still start saving after bkk trip so i can fly over there next yr ^^ miss you my dear! don't cry when you read this *smirks* take care and PLEASE don't make yourself a vegetarian just becos you hate to handle meat.

Reasons for feelings of glee and elation:
1) seemed to have caught up with lots of sec sch friends this year ^^ was chatting with jireh last night and he said he used to call me almond seed cos my head looks like the shape. wth!? haha its hilarious to talk to him, convincing him mushroom is nicer than almond and end up linking it to super mario. ended up trying to out-do each other in jap and i say, his jap lang is quite good considering he looks like the banana-type. ha! meeting up tues for dinner, maybe with the other two. *laughs*

2) i've changed driving instructor! byebye mr lai and hello mr raymond! let's hope mr raymond will be able to save me from my lousy driving and make me a one-time-pass student. his way of teaching parking is really fantashtic compared to lai i would say. at least i found it easier to follow! feel highly encouraged by him and i can somehow see the light at the end of the tunnel. no more fighting urges to crash Lai's car! (i am nice actually. just that i really don't like him. tsk.)

Useless fact of the day: Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women. (too big a head?)

sakae sakae

2005-07-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

sakae-ing with the usuals~

koh tee hock.

2005-07-01T11:35:00.000+08:00

met up with lj, sh, ph, wenkang (weikang? er..), and ph's friend desmond for dinner last night and it was a blast! ate at father flagogens at chjimes (finally its not just chinajump) and actually got 50% off cos desmond works there as a cook. 50% less bill, 150% more food! alot of caucasians in there cos its an irish pub as well and i guess most of them are irish anyway (duh!)..was hoping that they will start dancing traditional irish pubdance but i was greatly disappointed. hah! ah well! sat ard talking and playing open number, trying to finish the large plate of seafood infront of us but we eventually gave up cos all the laughing kinda took away our appetite.

spent a good 20mins in the carpark looking for shihui's car and went up to mt faber for drinks. mt faber at night is really fabulous i tell you! the sight and scenery, the lights, the wind, the mosquitoes, what a place~! sat ard The Hill chilling and ended up reminiscing the ol' secondary school days! boy was it hilarious! physics with koh tee hock, the way koh tee hock always praise lianjin and wonder why can't all of us be like lianjin, the way he always smiles when he says lianjin's name, the way he always calls us with our surname (joyce toh, pang khinyuan, wang lianjin, lim ming kai) and when we ask him why he just say it sounds nicer. (wth?!) we even talked about prashin! *guffaws* really wonder whether is he back in india right now..haha! just remembering his face and his actions sent us into hysterics man! ahh...the good old days. at least now i feel that some parts of secondary school are worth remembering. how we skip hema's remedial, the redundant-ness of mr loh, scary miss lee and mr yassin's fantasy island.

ended up with lianjin driving me home cos shihui was a lil tipsy to take the wheel. well! got home in one piece, a night with great food, great drinks, great company. fantastic.

Useless fact of the day: I bought my levis 599 eroded! muahaha!

blessed child.

2005-06-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

through the years i have experienced the greatness of God's love, His unchanging compassion and His showers of blessings. He knows that i can't excel academically, yet i always managed to scrape through my many years in school. many times i look back and ponder the consequences if i had chosen to study in bp govt high. i suppose things would have been very different and i might not even be in the tourism industry now.

thankful also for the guidance in my life. thankful that i am a scaredy cat so i did not end up being an alcoholic-smoker-hooligan-drug abuser-gay. i assure you it is easy to fall into that especially when you come from a school like mine. and tho at every stage of my life i seemed to have made the wrong friends, God would still give me the right ones to carry me through. i am thankful He gave me a clear mind and i did not end up wasting my life away doing meaningless activities that you think you are supposed to do just becos you are of age.

i am thankful that even tho at times when i am waist deep in sin and unable to pull myself up, He's there to give me a hand, to give me a push and to pull me back to earth even if it means ripping skin and feeling enormous pain. He was there when my first relationship ended, comforting me with His words: if I carried the weight of the world upon My shoulders, rest assure that I will carry you through. you might not believe it, you might not understand how simple words like that could lift the burden off your chest but i can tell you, He will never leave you and whatever pain you are feeling, He has been there and He shares your pain. now that the longing and pain have left me, i feel light and lifted, ready to let go and be thankful for the short span of time he spent in my life.

life doesn't suck. don't put that on your lips just becos its a common phrase to say. what in world could be so horrible that you would condemn your life like that? think of the many blessings in your life, the people around you who seemed insignificant but are the ones who sticked around when you actually need them, the safe environment we live in where we don't see human corpses lying around due to rioting, cars blowing up cos of terrorism and persecution due to racial discrimination. its frightening to realise that i am so easily influenced to discriminate against others and thinking that my actions are harmless when it is these exact discrimination that cause lives in other countries.

i dislike being labelled as religious. i feel that it is an insult to all believers out there becos what with have with God is a special and personal relationship. He does not only help you when you are lost and helpless and seek His help. He is there to pave a route for you even when you have already forgotten His existance when all is going well. the evangelistic rally tonight really opened my heart and mind to the fact that time waits for no man, how much more time would i waste before i would spread the salvation word? i want my close friends to walk with me along diamond-covered path and to spend eternity in heaven. would you walk with me?

there's no greater love than this, that a man would give his life for a friend
there's no higher sacrifice, that a man would give his life,
Jesus have paid a precious price for me.

potato chips.

2005-06-22T10:14:00.000+08:00

when i was in the train coming to work just now, i could think of a thousand things to blog! but now that i'm infront of the computer, having my thoughts intercepted by valuair, airasia and raj, i have lost my train of thoughts. blah. workload is getting increasingly heavy cos shinleei is going off soon :( and from my casual conversations with kennedy and timothy, they don't seemed very worried that soon, it will just be ME in the office! alone! handling everything! picking up every single phonecall asking about pick up time, timothy, kennedy, timothy, pick up time, whether i got their email ornot, could i change this for them, could i change that for them, whether is it a trouble for me to change it for them when they can call 10 times a day to check if you have issued the ticket and the moment you have done it they will realised that they are actually unable to travel on that date and wants you to change it. so! since the start of this week 2 days ago, i've been going through a rollercoaster of emotions starting 9.30am in the morning! energetic-worry-anxiety-weariness-rage-lunch-weariness-weariness-exhaustion-home.

but! thankfully i havent experience anything today. yet. but lets not get our hopes up high! hafta pick up Mr S K Bhalla from the airport later in the afternoon, bring them to the hotel and in the process psycho him to take up the night safari tour we have this evening. talking about NIght SAfARI! shinleei just told me about this park hopper promo she saw in the papers today! JBP, Zoo and night SAfAri for just $25! ahh...anyone willing to go to the night safari with me?? its so fun! and theres a ben's and jerry cafe in night safari! ice cream! waffle! yum! any takers? heh!

anyways, dinnering with sh, ph and alvin at sakae sushi tonight! which reminds me that i should make reservations. and tomorrow is air suply night! yipeeee! all these happy things to look forward to that i don't even feel upset that my sister has found another noisy alarm clock to take over her spoilt one. did i ever mention that she needs 3 alarm clocks to wake her up in the morning?! oh the grief. maybe i should spoil the crab alarm clock cos it snoozes. *ponders*

p/s: ian, i did not imply that you are old just becos you like air supply! just that according to my sister, you seemed to like alot of bands. but what does she know?? remember, she is not on the same frequency. *laughs*

Useless fact of the day: I just finished one whole packet of Jack 'n Jill potato chips. yuk!

wotcha!

2005-06-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

I'M GOING TO THE AIR SUPPLY CONCERT NEXT THURSDAY!! *jumps up and down in ecstasy* this is so exciting!! even though i bought the tickets too last minute and couldn't get side-by-side seats, who cares?! its air supply baby! its great to be able to find people like shihui who likes air supply as much as i do (not to forget ian and donny of course!) cos you seriously have no iDeaA how many people out there who don't know abt air supply. like what sh said and i quote "they are so not living in e same planet.." can't believe ian was the only one who shares my excitement *disappointed* ah well!

attention daphne: msg me immediately after reading this entry and tell me the date and time you are leaving for aussie!! you are leaving on a jetplane already..=( the next time you come back, i will go to the airport and pick you up myself! muahaha! *smirk* but i think you should take your license in aussie! or else you will be wasting precious time m'dear!!

ooh! 1 more hour to the weekend! working on a saturday is pure agony i tell you. waking up early in the morning, trudging to the office at 9.45am in the morning, warm the seat with my butt for 4 hours and off i go. all the wasted sleeping time gone to waste! oh the grief..the grief! however! lately, thanks to tp, i do not have to resort to buying a tamagotchi to keep me entertained in my stone hours cos i've gone back to playing neopets! 'lady_t0nks' if anyone is looking for me! :p two days of playing and i've already beaten spectre in cheat! and i've got a trophy to prove it..muahaha! hopefully my stocks will earn some neopoints for me. hohoho!

looking at the above mad entry, i'm sure you have deduced that i'm still very obsessed with harry potter to name my pet after nymphdora tonks. lalala! still facing the dilemma of whether should i preorder halfblood. =/ i still have the alternative of ordering thru singpost and have it delivered to me on the 16th..ahhh!! how?! its so expensive!! should i buy? or should i wait? buy? wait? *walks away muttering to herself*

Useless fact of the day: Marilyn Monroe has 6 toes on one of her foot.

appalling.

2005-06-14T10:17:00.000+08:00

daphne! i finally bought at epilator! *maniac laughter* went shopping with yijun at PS on sunday cos she needa get cloth from spotlight as well. it was really great shopping with her! went to best! superstore to check out the epilator (on sale! on sale! :p) and realised that we both love to check out the home appliances (esp the kitchen stuff) on display! so we spent a good 2mins standing infront of the heavy duty blender and imagining how great it will be to have that in our kitchen in all its S$669 glory. it was kinda funny to share the same adoration for a clothes steamer and rushing to tell each other how fantastic it is to not have to iron clothes ever again! strolled around carrefour after that, checking out the potato chips and ogling at the bbq whole chicken, grilled salmon-codfish-whatevers, scrutinizing at the cakes, discussing how she can also bake them (yeah i can't. *surrender*). hohoho! all in all it was a fruitful and happy trip ending with us telling each other that we should stop buying plain clothes and to explore the world of big prints, flowers and lace.

oh! the disciple project was a huge success! *grins* so proud of all of us and its true that when the end product comes through, the time spent on making it possible all seemed worthwhile :) concluded the day talking with tp on church stuff, people stuff and harry potter stuff! i am really amazed by the amount of info and knowledge that guy possess! *impressed* always fun and enriching talking to him..heh!

on the down side, driving last night was horrendous. i'm so used to driving barefoot that i can't seemed to get used to wearing shoes while driving! sigh..its no help with mr lai giving me the impatient face when i stalled for the 3rd time. even if he's tired, he has no right to take it out on me! grr...feel kinda demoralised already..it will be a miracle if i can pass my test on the first try. :( (attempts to wipe out bad memories of driving *obliviate!*) hope that i'll be able to master the skill of parking on my next lesson this saturday. HOPEFULLY he will be in a better mood and i will not screw up again. any kind souls out there wanna coach me for free? *hopeful*

and, monster-in-law is closing soon and i still have not watched it :( sorry daph..can't seemed to find time and mood to watch it..esp now that gv jp is not showing it anymore. think i'm so used to watching movies after work at jp, watching anywhere else don't seem to be an option anymore. i'm such a gross couch potato i can hardly be saved.

oh yes, after following the michael jackson case for the past 6 weeks since i started work, the jurors have finally acquitted him of all 10 charges which saves him 20yrs of squat-time. hooray for the jackson fans!

Useless fact of the day: My right toenail is INDEED falling off. Just great.

mi mancherai.

2005-06-01T16:37:00.000+08:00

went up KL on sunday for an overnight trip with tim. seriously have no idea why i'm there anyway since i don't have to lead the group neither do i have work to do. so basically i'm just there to enjoy the hotel room, the food and the endless coffee, coke lemon and margaritas. kinda time wasting if you asked me considering i spent half the time travelling up and down on the coach and trying hard to slp with ease. that, unfortunately didn't happen and so i ended up with a sore back instead. ah well, at least travelling is included in the employment package eh?

so so! i have found other things to obsess about other then One Piece for the time being! re-read harry potter again in anticipation of the up-coming Half-blood Prince! i shall consider buying the books soon since i'm gonna buy it anyways. i digress, maybe i should ask my sister to get it for me since she has already told me exactly what she wants for her birthday right down to the exact location which present could be found. the only thing she hasn't done was to ask me to give her the money and she could get it on her own! actually i would like that cos it would mean i don't hafta drag my lazy ass down to borders and also to make sure that the correct version is bought. hmm..maybe i should suggest that to her. ha. ok i just finished reading Goblet of Fire last night and so i'm gonna start on Order of Phoenix as soon as i can lay my paws on them! gonna re-watch the 3 movies soon ALSO in preparation for the upcoming GOF in NOvember! i know i know! i AM obsessed thank you very much. while i'm typing all these, i'm fervently surfing for harry potter's webby. accio website!

right now i'm at bliss with josh groban's voice serenading into my head *dreamy* he is such a fantastic singer! sigh. its a comfort to my aching body courtesy of minwei's tough badminton training i had last night. always enjoyed rallying with him and seeing both of us putting all pent up hatred into each stroke. muahaha. shall look forward to the next badminton outing provided my right toe nail hasn't dropped off and my left arm is still intact!

Useless fact of the day: My right toe's nail dropped off once cos it "died". it wasn't a pretty sight.

time travelling.

2005-05-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

the month june is staring right in my face. its hard to believe that half a year is gone just like. nothing to hold it back, nothing i could do to alter the things that have gone wrong. with only memories to hold and to keep. just finished reading The Time Traveller's Wife and it brought so much tears that i had to struggle to read the words through blurry eyes. how true it is that even if we could go back to the past, a month, a year, 10 years, we still can't change what is gonna happen. to think that we would always hold the hope that if we could turn back the hands of time, things would turn out differently. how we used to cling on to memories and refusing to let it go when the only thing we should do is to let it stay as it is, just a distant memory.

how often do i make the mistake of looking at the world through my own selfish eyes, thinking people will never change, that they will always be as they were in the past. just because hurt has been caused in the past, i would choose to hang on to the belief that a leopard never change its spots, ignoring the gnawing fact that people do change and they will eventually grow up. they have moved on and so must i.

i have finally found closure.

wednesday.

2005-05-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

sunday was amazing race day at sentosa for the above 18s. got teamed up with kaka, donny, jianmin, esther and cynthia! apparently we call ourselves the old age group cos we have three 25year-old in our midst! it was a tiring afternoon and i tell you, i've never seen so much of sentosa in one whole day and i never knew that donny's favourite numbers are 1 & 8. all in all, it was a fun-filled afternoon with our group fulfilling our goal of not coming in 1st and not coming in last! ended the day by retreating to yiheng's hse for loads of food, stuart little and great company of the familiar faces.

vesak monday was spent in church doing the recording for our youth night with all of us transforming into professional news reporters and at some possessed point, xiayi laoshi. raymond bought us yummy lunch from tiong bahru market too! white chicken rice (heavenly), char siew and roast pork meat (woo hoo!) and rojak (mMmmmMm) completed with sugar cane! we can always count on raymond to put more effort in choosing the right food rather then just buying 10 packets of gross chicken rice from nearest seah im.

the highlight of yesterday was the appointment made with tui na lady! the purpose of her visit last night was mainly to induce unbearable pain onto my limbs and back in order to dispel all unwanted qi from my health forsaken body. after a labouring 1 and a half hours, she left me wearing a ridiculous looking outfit that is suppose to massage my body throughout the night, a bruised body and repeated emphasis that i CAN help people by introducing ridiculous looking outfits to them! thank goodness this time the bruises are hidden under the skin and tho i feel like i've been trampled on by a horse, i'm waiting patiently for the pain to give way to months of relief.

so! today (wednesday) is supposedly payday and i hope timothy will remember to give us our cheques before rushing off to for the afternoon again. really need the money to pay off my debts as well as the auction seller tmr. oh oh! did i say??? successfully bid on yahoo auction for the latest set of one piece! book 1-36 for only $115! how could i not be happy when i save approximately $1.80/book and thus, $65 on all 36 books! dodododo!

alrighty, tonight is starwars night with grace (my sis in case you are wondering), daniel, wee bros, yijun and minwei. tho i'm not exactly very excited to watch it, i shall follow the notion that since i've watched the first two episodes, i might as well catch the final one to complete it all. can't wait for madagascar and monster-in-law (michael vartan for poop's sake!) to start showing! THOSE are the ones i really wanna watch! any takers?

Qns: who is the strongest man in the world?

Ans: the wanton mee man! one-TON mee! get it? muahahahaha!

gosh. i need to be saved.

wet monday.

2005-05-16T11:37:00.000+08:00

*eh hem* its a rainy day today. its a rainy day today. its a rainy day today. its a rainy day todayyyyyyy!!!

feeling all sniffy again cos it was so warm last night we had to on the aircon and it was directly blowing into my face. ahh. anyway! was crazily busy for the past week and my resolution for this week is to go home straight after work if i could help it. didn't manage to meet up with sh and ph on thurs but went wala wala instead on fri night! the band is awesome man! 4-men band EIC playing nice soft rock. charming! the two lead singers are damn good i tell you! the malay guy really sound like robbie williams if you close your eyes and not look at him. tho it was really crowded and smoky with my mom calling every hour to ask me to go home, i really really enjoyed myself! lalalaa!! i'm loving angels instead...

oh oh! and we saw tyron at wala too! those who do not know who is tyron, he is mr singtel aka safra model aka mr SP. apparently shihui thinks he is so totally damn hot (he IS quite hot i wouldn't deny it. you should see his hot bod!! *wide eyes*) so she down half a pint of carlsberg in hope that she could have the guts to ask him for a picture. but sadly the beer failed her and thus..the highly anticipated picture was not taken but ten thousand other paparazzi pictures with us posing infront of the camera but with the digicam focusing 45degrees away from our faces and directed at him were shot! thanks to kok kee and his long body and arms, we have taken the follow:
1) top of his head
2) left side of face
3) right side of face
4) back of head
5) back of indian man (he kept blocking our view! grr)
6) smiley face of indian man posing for our camera (what was that?!)

if you still have no idea how tyron looks like, pls scoot over to shihui's blog to feast on the yummylicious catch of the month! gosh we are such stalkers.

met up with sh after church yday for lunch and i had thaiexpress for the first time! *doh* it was not bad but felt kinda bloated after that cos of the coconut in the curry. sacrifices for nice food! didn't have money to go shopping so we ended up lazing at chjimes just chillin and talkin. updated me on her exciting internship days and i say! only one in a thousand internship students get to party like her! why can't i be posted to a big company with alot of pple!? :( so tempted to go work temp in an audit firm now! reasons to this cannot be exposed. sorry! hohoho! :p

i've finally reached the 36th book of One Piece and i'll have to wait for another few months for the next book! ahh...its getting so exciting now! grrr! Eiichiro Oda! get your ass down to drawing! ayes..the only consolation i have is that i'm still way behind in the anime and i still have another 100 episodes to keep me going! hopefully i can finish watchin the filler episodes this week so i can start on SkyPiea! as you can see, i'm obsessed. oh oh!!! in addition to the obsession, decided to share with my sis on buying the manga! *evil laugh like that of arlong* sha! ah ah ah ah ah ah! latest update! pauley from water7 is joining the gang and sanji is getting a bounty soon!

i'm sure up till now you are feeling bored from reading the above paragraph so i shall stop now. stop.

Useless fact of the day: In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans.

Fallen.

2005-05-15T19:06:00.000+08:00

was at thaiexpress with sh when i heard this song. really brought back happy memories man. surprisingly.

I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how
I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's ironic
to be back in the game.

You are the one
who's led me to the sun.
How could I know
that I was lost without you...

And I want to tell you,
you control my brain..
And you should know
that you are life in my veins.

You are the one
who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that
I was lost without you...

I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how
I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's erotic
to be back in the game.

monotonous.

2005-05-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

once again its just me, shin leei and the radio blasting "woo whoa oh! woo whoa oh! woo whoa oh!" in the office and the both of us have not been exactly doing work since timothy stepped out of the office an hour ago. but anyway! i'm still enjoying my work tho i really dread the waking up early in the morning part. still waiting till 25th may so i can get my first pay! since i stopped my attachment during april, i've been trying to survive on my meagre sum of money they call allowance and i've drained it more or less already.

caught kingdom of heaven with sh and ph on thursday night! it was a typical war story that i cannot understand on the spot and finally understood it when i read the full synopsis last night on First mag -_-". the story is abt the 2nd-3rd crusade war between the christians and the muslims. alot of blood, chopped off heads and weapons penetrating the body. *ouch* anyhoo! we will be studying abt the crusades in the later part of our sunday sch and i am so looking forward to it! lallaa!

oh! with regards to my last post! my mission is proceeding successfully! met up with a few of my sec sch friends (shihui, peihui, mingming, lianjin, junchao and a bunch of pple whom i don't directly know in person but know by face) on saturday at sentosa! tho i couldn't stay on for the whole day, but it was still quality time spent! finally had a chance to swim to the floating platform at sentosa and i saw a full grown michelin(?) man! he was so fat that his flabby stomach had already grown layers! its scary to see pple becoming like that. don't they worry abt obese related diseases?!? anyway, got to catch up abit with the life of the girls and abit on what's going on with lianjin and tho i doubt he would be reading this, i still wanna tell him that the girl is obviously very in love with herself instead of the guys around her and he should run/walk/crawl/fly out of her claw-ly grasp before its too late! really wonder what charm did she cast on lj to make him feel that way. the blindness of a so-called love (i kinda think its more of a crush but who am i to judge right?). really had alot of fun (thanks girls! ^^) and got a little burnt (again!) but still! it will remain a happy memory :)

hopefully this week will fly by since i'll have stuff to do, friends to catch up with and rehearsals to attend. gonna meet up with ying and daphne today for billy bombers at heeren! milkshakes and cheesy fries here i come! finally remembered to bring the gift we bought for daphne today! and if you are reading this post before we meet up, you better like the gift! grrr! :Þ

think the end july bkk trip is more or less confirmed tho tickets are not booked yet. hopefully we can get the cheapest tickets (i think i'm morphing into those customers whom i hate to serve last time..hohoho!) and cheap good hotels too! which means i will have to start packing lunch to work now so i will have enough money to pay for the trip. we have 6 pple in now! gel, yijun, engying, eunice, cheryl and me! 4D3N here i come! sawadi kaa!

Useless fact of the day: i rammed head on with a girl when i was in primary sch and bit part of my tongue, splitting it into two. it was quite a traumatic experience.

stone.

2005-05-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

quiet day at work. tim and kennedy are once more out of the office and here i am, stoning and hoping something nice will happen.

was browsing through several blogs and realise that people around me seems to lead very contented and fulfiling lives! they seem to always be having fun..having dreams and being happy. somehow felt that i'm lacking so much in that aspect. :( somehow i feel that i'm never able to keep in contact with friends i've made over years..those that i was once close to are like strangers now. is it becos of my antisocial personality?

i guess its really my fault..that i can't seem to be bothered to keep in touch or hang out. sigh. really feel that a big part of me always seems to melt away with time and tho it will always be replaced with something else, its still a pity that i can't seem to hold on to it. sigh. i shall make a greater effort to catch up with the pple ard me and to link back old ties. *tears off antisociality*

ok this is just a random entry to clear my head..i'm already taking action by talking to shihui now! ciaos kids.

Useless fact of the day: I hammered my face against the wall when i was young and lost half a front tooth.

more more phuket pictures!

2005-05-03T11:42:00.000+08:00

more phuket pictures!

2005-05-03T11:02:00.000+08:00

work again, how nice.

2005-04-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

i've just started work at summer vacations with shinleei and i'm really enjoying myself! first day on the job and i was told to tag along with a big group of indonesian uni students on their industrial trips to various institutes and schs like citibank, smu, nus and ura. been following them for the past 3 days and today was my last day with them. kinda sad that i wouldn't be seeing them anymore cos they are so much fun! even tho half the time we don't really understand what each other is talking abt, we still managed to hold a conversation by repeating sentences 10 times and in the process signing the sentence out in each of our own mute way! so now i'm back in the office with not much stuff to do (not that i would know how to handle stuff ard here at the moment), contemplating whether i should play bejeweled on yahoo but instead, i've decided to blog and update on the latest happenings! hohoho!

i guess this present job is quite suitable for me tho it pays really low but at least i would be enjoying my work by spending majority of time online deciding between bejeweled or reading the news! *grins* oh! yday while visiting smu with the group, i met lester and doreen! haha super happy to see familiar faces in places like these! apparently they are doing their project during vacation period..haiyo so poor thing man..and to see hunky partying away and training for bigger muscles, its a heaven and hell comparison if you asked me! kinda like the smu environment comparing it to nus. the pple in smu are friendlier and definitely less intimidating. maybe i should apply for smu..hmm..anyway, the visit to nus has greatly confirmed that it is definitely not the place for me (not that my grades would get me in anyway.) oh well! shall pray abt it and hopefully the answer will fall from the sky in yummy gummy candy letters spelling out the sch for me!

sigh, now that i'm greatly missing the indonesian pple, the urge to fly off to Bali is greater now! the sun! the sea! the spa! ahhh!! *too dreamy to blog further*

Useless fact of the day: I hammered my forehead against the wall when i was 3-4 yrs old and needed 3 stitches.

phuket pictures!

2005-04-23T22:57:00.000+08:00

get a wig.

2005-04-15T00:42:00.000+08:00

hello hello! i'm finally back from limbo where my soul flew around aimlessly, took a plane to phuket and came back looking like mian bao chao ren! after lots of reminding that i should update my blog (i never knew pple actually read it...thot most of the time they were just browsing but anyway), i'm finally able to put my ass down to it!

so so so! what have i done??? for updates, i'm finally out of pan thitsa! gone are the days of waking up at 8.15am in the morning, taking the train to cityhall, walking into a shop with green carpet (have i ever mention that i dislike green? no? ok. i dislike green.) and staring into the computer all day long! i actually contemplated going back there to work if i really couldn't find a job, but the other day kim actually asked us back to the office to handle a complaint even tho we are like out of the office already! the feeling of going out in the middle of the day with the sun shining on my head is so sick man i tell you. after that i totally dropped the idea together with the fact that i must stop listening to her swoon abt isabel's beauty or else i might just rip out the green carpet and bind her with it.

oh! and i tell you! phuket is soooooo niceee! 4d3n is definitely not enough man..i'll definitely go back again and the next time i'm there, it will be at least a week! krabi! phi phi! james bond island! here i come! will post pictures when i have the time to do it! anyways, we went phi phi island for snorkeling on the 2nd day and my first try at snorkeling was quite a disaster. argh! didn't even manage to swim down to the bottom and touch the corals...sigh. but a significant discovery was that zen seems to be a thai-men killer! her influence have definitely benefited us greatly! :p hee! patong beach is indeed cleaner now and its surprising that i wasn't reminded of the tsunami that claimed many lives there. it was only when i got to phi phi island and saw the remains of whats left of the island that i was knocked back into reality. i guess we would never be able to understand what they have gone through, losing almost 80% of the population to the waves and having to get through life selling stuff to pple like me who actually thot of slashing the prices. but! i end up buying a nice beach mat from this nice auntie along the streets for 150baht! it was the original price ok! no slashing! that's the only way i could help her already =)

oh! back to phuket island..mey has proven to be a powerful price slasher! let's go through the steps of effective price slashing:

1) lookin around the shop for product of interest
2) ask for the price but! do not look extremely keened
3) listen to the price, look shocked
either..
4a) immediately slash it by 50% or more (eg.400baht to 150baht), or
4b) compare to the shop and the OTHER side of the road selling the same product at a much lower price and proceed to slashing it by 50% or more (this is usually more effective)
5) if other party is a young male, try to look fierce. if its a old male, try to ba jie by sa jiao-ing a little (this is extremely effective). if other party is female, regardless of age, just smile and insist.
6) end the conversation by saying "ok. $###baht and i take it now!"

there you have it! the 6 steps of effective price slashing. it usually works and steps could be improvised for better results (try batting eye lashes or something)

each day when we step out of the safety of coconut village resort, we have to mentally prepare ourselves for the amount of "miss miss..tuk tuk, tuk tuk", "arigato arigato!", "miss go where today? *attempts to hit butt with newspaper*, "hello! *whistles* come from korea?" and the famous pick up line used island wide--> "hello miss! where you from? wanna go disco tonight?" wonder if they ever get tired of doing that to every single woman that walk through their path. hmm. ah well! i guess i'll know the next time i'm there!

oh oh! the last day before we head out for the airport, there was actually a tsunami warning! the siren was sounding and pple at the resort were mumbling abt tsunami warnings amidst the constant repeat mode of tata young's "sexy naughty bitchy me" on the stereo system. thankfully all was well and nothing went wrong and i'm back in Singapore in one piece. it was only after the day i got back that i realised that another earthquake erupted in indonesia. thank You Lord for Your guidance and protection! :)

enough of phuket! right now, all my days are spent watching endless episodes of One Piece infront of the laptop! oh, AND! looking for a job! if anyone were to drop by my house any day, any time, i'll definitely be home. hahah! visitors anyone? shall get down to writing my application letter for the job tmr! maybe i'll head down to the gym tmr too...too much dim sum is a danger to life!

Useless fact of the day: If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

Another useless fact of the day: i spend 1 hour typing this entry! it will be another month before my next one comes in!

wooo!

2005-03-12T00:03:00.000+08:00

whoa! its been the first time in weeks that i've spent considerable time infront of the damn pc. have not been going online at home these days cos spending all day infront of the com at work is driving me nuts already! :/ and its been long since i blogged too! nearly forgot all abt the existence of this until today when i read daph's blog. hohoho.

anyways, updates updates! days till the end of attachment: 15 days! 15 damn damn days! can't wait for it to end man! work is getting really stressful nowadays and i'm seriously very paranoid now..worrying abt everything. i think being a travel agent is really a hazard to health. let me show you the reasons why:

1) you cannot cannot CANNOT make mistakes in the dates of travel, flights and of course, the names. spelling must be absolutely correct even if you have to type in 65 paxs names and your eyes are blur and on the verge of blindness. every spelling error costs money ($30 actually) and pple like me have no money to pay for mistakes made by my blindness.

2) agents make mistakes and refuse (REFUSE! damn those agents!) to admit their mistakes, demand (DEMAND! damn those agents!) that WE say its wholly our fault and of course, wants us to pay for the mistake made. (yes, pls consult point 1 above, mistakes costs money.)

3) agents scream and shout at you cos they know you are just a small fry in the company and demand to speak to your supervisor, who have NO idea they just screamed and shouted at you. then these agents start talking VERY VERY nicely to the supervisor and in the end agree to pay for the mistake they had made. so we end up being the bad guy becos they claimed that we shouted (SHOUTED! damn those agents!) at them and accusing them and stuff. argh. damn those agents.

4) agents who don't seem to understand that we cannot fax them the ticket unless they make payment. i mean, wad's so difficult to understand abt it? we see the money, we give the product. simple right? but noooo! everyone thinks they should be given special treatment! and that they are very good friends with you! even tho they can call in to your line one hundred times a day and call you someone else's name. -_-"

5) customers give phone numbers that don't seem to connect to anywhere! customers that promise they will come down and end up not doing so. customers who demand and demand and DEMAND that they get the best rate, say that they WILL come down on monday and insist we extend deadline till then, end up not coming down. and this will go back to the first line in point 3: give phone numbers that don't seem to connect to anywhere.

so with these 5 little reasons, i can tell you that working in a travel agency really test your patience and your level of sanity. i shall endure for another 15 days to the end! and another 18 days to the soaking of sun, sea and food! muahahhaa! 5th of april! so excited! heeheehee!

projects are mostly completed already so now, all i have to do is to study for two tests and that's the end of my poly years! still deciding whether ornot to go for grad ball..its 70bucks leh! and that's just for the ball itself. the other rubbish stuff still need to buy and buy. argh they really think poly students print money man. poor. poor. pz seemed so keen on going also feel very bad if end up psk-ing her. aiyar...dilemma!

oh oh! updates on driving! after 4 lessons (or is it 5 lessons? hmm.), i'm driving on the road already! going thru two test routes now and i'm still trying to get the hang of it. practice practice! i passed advance already~! first attempt man! i've broken the curse of my dad and sis so lets hope practical also one time pass bah! heh! registering testdate on tues liao..excited excited! so many things to be excited for! so many things to look forward to! april is a month of excitement! *grins*

Useless fact of the day: The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.

misery free?

2005-02-26T02:12:00.000+08:00

went to the gig at Rouge after choir with daphne, zen and daphne's fren joyce..finally saw the looks of the infamous arthur that has caused the heartbreak of *cough cough* and frankly speaking, he aint that impressive afterall. his attitude and behaviour kinda reminded me of eugene yeo. with add-ons like drinking, smoking and alot of bass guitar. ah well, the performance was actually kinda dull cos the music was too loud and the singing wasn't very clear..couldn't help but compared them to x-japan (of course cannot compare la..way off track already but still.) its a band imitating jrock but singing cranberries style. hmm..left the place ard 1245, took the nightrider (first time! hohoho!) and tho the journey was damn bloody long, i finally got home. yawns.

work has been kinda busy nowadays with the canon reservation deadline approaching..so tired of answering the phone already..moreover with the itp proj deadline for submission ALSO coming..tryin to finish the report asap so we can actually start compiling the appendices..ahhh! so many things to do! so little time! uccd presentation, bp presentation..reports...reports! reports!!! the only consolation is the fact that attachment is gonna be over soon! everyone is counting down the 28 days to the 2nd of april! tick tock tick tock tick tock.

taking advance theory next tues and i still don't feel prepared..hopefully mr lai's tips will help so i wouldn't have to retake the test..speaking of driving, this morning when i reached the 'jaywalk' road, two policemen were so obviously standing there and looking out for jaywalkers and yet, pple still happily HAPPILY jaywalk infront of them man! wah they really think the policemen wear sunglasses mean they are blind lor. really don't know what pple are thinking these days..aiyo. ok i'm damn tired now..shall stop talking rubbish and if you have read until this point, i'm impressed cos its so not interesting. gd nite.

Useless fact of the day: i have an eyelash in my eye. ow.

nothing in particular.

2005-02-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

its valentine's day! the day where attached pple walk around with bouquet of flowers, bouquet of chocolates, big soft toys, small soft toys, soft toys on bouquets, looking all lovey and dovey and taking up all the seats in good restaurants that pple like me wanna eat in. its also a day for pple like me to scorn against the pple celebrating valentine's day by saying things like "aiyar, valentine's day is just a day for pple to make money, excuses for couples to spend extravagantly on couple meals that might bring them happiness." den of course comes the auto-reply "haha you, no eat grape say grape sour!" that's me on valentines day for you :)

anyways! today was quite a good day considering we weren't that busy so isabel and i spent most of the day doing the powerpoint slides for our itp project. actually she ended up doing most of the work cos its impossible to have two person doing it right? :p but! the highlight was we ended work early today so we could have our much anticipated dinnering at Rice Table! took the shuttle bus over to suntec (yes! i discovered the shuttle bus! hohoho!) and when we got to the restaurant, we thought that there will definitely be seats cos it looks quite empty. only to realise that its fully reserved already. so is every single nice restaurant at suntec. argh! so we faithfully waited and waited for any reservation to be cancelled and finally ended up at the other outlet at cuppage.

the food wasn't that fantastic tho..its indonesian food in buffet style..alot like the buffet that siam kitchen had. ended up eating more crackers den the food that they were serving. adjourn to coffee bean after dinner to sit and talk somemore. everywhere was so bloody crowded man! its as if tmr is a declared public holiday. by the time we left coffee bean, it was almost midnight. shared a cab with isabel and here i am! feeling all latte-ed and bloated. i'm definitely gonna overeat this week man. eating out with the girls tmr, yz's farewell (yes we are farewell-ing again for her) on weds, gathering at eunice's house on thurs..ahhh!!! i don't even have the time to go jogging....! tried to wake up at 7.30 this morning to jog but i went back to slp cos i was too tired. hahah! super weakling man. i shall try again on wednesday.

tmr's finally driving day! so excited for my first lesson already! jonathan is considering taking auto lessons after two lessons of manual! whoaaA! continue taking manual la! den we can qie cuo wu gong what!! lucky i never go take centre with him man..or else i'll definitely be influence to take auto too! haha..i will never be bi shi by pple! *hand sign* oh oh! hitched is gonna screen soon!! 3rd of march! everyone must watch it so its so damn funny! can't wait for feb to be over and march to be here so i can start counting down to the end of my attachment! must start finding job already..ven if you are reading this, we need to find out the cruise thing asap! its definitely not at harbourfront cos i went there already and all i could see was penguin travels and more penguin travels. need to get a job soon so i wun have to borrow money from dad to pay for driving after attachment. job job job! $2000 job!

just started watching Pride last night and i'm hooked already! kinda brought back the memories of ice skating with js and co during sec sch days. always wanted to learn ice hockey back den cos it looks so fun..but i guess that dream will never be fulfilled..ahh...*dreamy* can't wait to finish watching the show so i can start on my sims2! i know i'm a little slow and that pple are already sick of playing it but its ok! i'm still excited! sims sims sims sims sims sims! dododododo! driving lesson early in the morning so i shall slp now..yawns. night kids.

Useless fact of the day: Kangaroos cannot walk backwards.

thinking. thinking.

2005-02-05T13:28:00.000+08:00

days are getting mundane and long for me..i cannot even find anything interesting to blog and right now, phrasing and rephrasing this sentence took me 5 minutes. oh! on thursday, we had our first cell group gathering at elaine's house! was really quite happy to be able to meet up with church pple on days other than sundays considering i work almost everyday. at least it kinda makes up for the many saturdays that i have missed yf. and! i managed to find their house by myself! ok so i asked one auntie for directions but! at least i managed to not get lost! boon tiong road, i'll remember you man!

the most disturbing thing of that gathering was, when we had to go around and share abt happy things that happen to us for the past 2 weeks, i could not think of anything! i mean, i don't really feel unhappy or anything, but rather, i've been feeling..nothing. other than knowing that i only have to work 2.5 days next week which i felt ecstatic, i've not really been feeling much positive emotion for a long time. really wonder whether is it becos i'm working too much, therefore i don't have much of a life to be happy, or its just me.

i'm thankful to have friends around me and even more thankful that i'm able to create new ties with pple i've known for so many years but sometimes, i really do feel empty. i'm sure i've had happy moments for the past few months, but somehow i just cannot remember them. i really wonder whether am i really that affected by the split that i'll never get over it? somehow right now, as much as memories will come back everyday, i'm not even thinking of it that much already. i mean, that's a good thing right? i know that i'm moving on so its puzzling why i'm still not feeling much. ahh.

ok enough of me, let me tell you! one fine day, isabel's friend came into the office with her group of friends to collect tickets for their trip to bangkok and one of them is a trans. but! she's so handsome! not just cute, not good looking, but handsome! handsome! as in michael vartan handsome! with bright eyes, nice nose and good complexion! arghh!! beautiful man! why!? why?! the number of handsome guys are so dire in singapore right now and he chose to be a woman! no justice...no justice..*grumble grumble*

oh the other day, went online to find job opportunities onboard starcruise and there's a position for customer service coordinator! quite attracted by it but kinda got the feeling that i'm too young for them to even consider me as an applicant. :( really interested in working there to get the experience man..hmm..maybe i should try working as a ground crew first. shall go to the office and get details one of these days..still have no idea whether should i apply for the universities in singapore considering the chances of me getting into smu, ntu and nus are so slim they could advertise for diet products. arhhh...so many things to consider, so many decisions to make! troubled. troubled.

This is Michael Vartan..!

Useless fact of the day: Each year, 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.

**To back this statement up, yiheng nearly killed himself while lifting weights when he lost control of the 5kg weight and it came crashing down towards his head. he saved himself by siam-ing his head so fast he could have dislocated his neck and still resulted in serious injuries. it is shocking to see pple risking their lives for bigger chests!