Saturday, August 27, 2005
jumbled thoughts.
this week was a rollercoaster ride for me. was hit by a sudden memory on monday which totally caught me off guard and the pain i felt was actually physical, threatening to break me down and all i wanted to do was to crawl to a corner and cry. ended up running to agape again, seeking help from a.sharon and she did manage to calm me down eventually, restoring and getting my old self back. sometimes i really wonder what will be of me if she wasn't there..who will i go to? the amount of gratitude i feel cannot be measured at all cos i owe her so much.
even though throughout the whole week i was still feeling disturbed, but at least i managed to get some stuff off my mind, stuff which have been bothering me for months and years. i cannot believe that it is only now when i've wasted 19years of my life that i really start to appreciate the friends i have. how many have i lost throughout the years? to be so stupid as to feel that friends will always be there whether you bother to hang on to them ornot. it is true that they will be there, but effort must be made in order to cultivate deeper and stronger relationships with them, and to know that the person who will eventually be making a toast at your wedding will be someone who truly understands you.
heard alot of stuff that surprised and stunned me this week too. i am repulsed when here you are telling him you are not ready for a relationship and the next moment you are saying 'yes' to someone else. how insensitive can you get? how can you hurt his feelings this way? do you not feel his pain? it is disappointing to see pple taking feelings for granted and stepping all over them. sigh.
on a brighter note, a great friend of mine is praying hard for an ans. and i'm glad that he has finally found someone who shares the same weird habits with him, and to even go to the extend of wanting to share his most important responsibility. it is heartwarming to see two pple praying for God's will in their relationship and to give serious consideration instead of just jumping into one without thinking.
i shall pray for patience, wisdom and a clear mind so i can listen to what He has to say instead of what my heart is saying. i hope i don't end up doing something i will condemn myself for. arhhh.
blip rambled on
Saturday, August 27, 2005
