masquerade; paper faces on parade

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
surprising nonchalance.

christmas came and left, leaving me with the post-christmas hangover. everything seemed very rushed this year and somehow, the festive period didn't seemed to catch up with me at all. it may seemed wrong to be chasing after the festive mood when christmas is not about partying and all but still, its quite sad that it felt so normal. it is because i'm working? it's weird cos after the long christmas weekend, i wasn't in the working mood either. so what is it?! *confused*

managed to catch up with shihui, peihui (finally!) on friday night and was joined by haisheng and bingyuan. always found it amazing that tho i dont hang out with them much, it dint felt strange to make conversation cos they'll just naturally start asking me stuff so i wouldn't have to start saying something. =/ oh! actually got 2 msgs from sharon and lynette last week, inviting me to christmas party and birthday party. i dint reply any of them cos i figured there's no point in me going considering i have nothing much to say to them. -shrugs- BUT! lynette actually called me around midnight last night to ask me la! and through my unconscious state i still managed to reject the offer cos i have something on that day. woke up this morning thinking it was a dream until i checked my incoming and realised that she DID call. still think it's a better idea to not turn up cos i'll just end up feeling uncomfortable in their midst.

heard news over the christmas weekend that left me surprised yet not totally unexpected. surprised at how fast it can happen but somehow, it seemed like a time-bomb waiting to go off. quite amazed at how nonchalant i felt about the whole thing cos seriously, it doesn't really concern me anymore. daphne thought it was quite a daring move. i still notice. i still observe. what do i feel? nothing.

idealising is a big mistake. i hope you wouldn't be greatly disappointed.

blip rambled on Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
we are the reason.

As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys, we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by, we learnt more about gifts
The giving of ourselves, and what that means
On a dark and cloudy night
A man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love

I've finally found a reason for living.
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him.
In all that I do, every word that I say,
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him.

blip rambled on Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
unbelievable.

just when i thought that the new kopitiam opposite our office will be an additional alternative for our lunchbreaks, it has proven to be a huge huge HUGE disappointment. never in my whole life have i ever eaten ba chor mee that tastes like that! it wasn't tasty, it was kinda sour cos they use black vinegar, the fishcake was bland and the FISHBALL was tasteless. i've never ever eaten a tasteless fishball in my life can. no matter how i tried to chew it and distribute it to all the different sections of my tongue to attempt to capture some sort of taste, there was none. at all. even tho the noodles was cooked to near perfection with the right texture, it could not salvage the fact that the ba chor mee was horrible. horrible. tasteless fishballs!!! arhhh!!!!

the teh bing that costs $1.50 was even worse. i'm quite sure the stalls in the kopitiam are trying to out-do each other in the level of blandness. the auntie totally misled me by professionally ice-blending the teh and pouring it into high class tall glasses and smiling at me so kindly. i really wonder if she even added enough condense milk to match the amount of ice shoved into the blender. well, she can qie with the tehbing down the road to see which one is worse. at least the uncle down the road charge lesser for his horrible teh la. argh.
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t'was only yesterday that i realised: CHRISTMAS IS NEXT WEEK! *whoops and jumps* then it dawned onto me that i've not finished my christmas shopping yet! and i have NO TIME! NO TIME! considering taking friday off so i could have a long weekend to rest. seriously think my system is screwed up already. i feel lethargic in the day and energetic at night so i'll only get to sleep around 1-2 o'clock in the morning. vampiric traits you might think? it might not seem very late but i dont get my full 7-8hours of slp!!! arhh..=( my dark rings cannot be saved, my skin is no longer glowing (not like it was very glowy before but STILL) and i'm prone to outbreaks. *drinks water from bottle*

anyway! back to christmas! so many upcoming programmes to look forward to!
- carolling at tong building this coming saturday evening! (badminton in the morning! muahaha!)
- thanksgiving dinner on sunday!
- prison carolling tuesday evening!
- carolling on christmas eve!
- CHRISTMAS NEXT SUNDAY! hallelujah chorus!

tis the season to be jolly! falalalala lalalala! and its also the season to watch home alone 1 & 2 back-to-back! suddenly feel like watching sleepless again! as you can see from the multiple exclamation marks, i am indeed very hyper right now. *grins* going for daph's birthday dinner with her family tonight. zi char! still feeling a little weird but apparently her parents already agreed to it. still cannot fathom why i'll get invitations to family outings. y'all must stop thinking i'm family! =P

*bounces away*

blip rambled on Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
running into open traffic.

looking back at the past week, i thank God that i managed to pull through it. though i'm physically tired, i'm actually looking forward to tomorrow's long ride up to genting. after 7 days of buzzing around, constantly having people around me, i can now get some alone time with myself. i dont mean that i hate talking to people or having company all the time, i do! just that i really enjoy having some me time, sitting alone with my jumbled thoughts, sorting through them one by one. couldn't really do that during camp cos there's constantly something to do, people to talk to and all. everytime i could find a short interval to take a breather, to stop and enjoy the solitude, someone will come along and ask why am i sitting alone or if i am alright. found it hard to tell them that i'm spending some quality time alone with myself cos it just sounds like i'm chasing them away or giving the feeling like i'm being intruded.

well, though camp was tiring and at times frustrating, it's one of the best i've had =) sewing the priest robes with en en, eunice & anna, doing tabernacle stuff with anna, marc, engyeow, ian and ah seh, such bonding. lots of laughs and random conversations, to learn new things about each other as well as to learn stuff together, it was great! hopefully i could get hold of some pictures to post it up here.

went to sleep at six in the morning today. only managed to get 3.5hours of slp and woke up feeling cranky. somehow during camp, was suddenly assaulted by an all too familiar yet horrible feeling. got moody quite pissed at myself and i'm seriously sick of feeling that way all over again. sometimes i really wished i'm more like ym, to take things as it is and not to think too much. only felt the magnitude of it all when i see my own character on him but somehow, i feel that feeling pessimistic is just a way of protecting myself. it is not good but it is the way i am. sigh. when will i ever learn?

distance. distance.

blip rambled on Wednesday, December 07, 2005